What do moms really wear with Kyla Flax
What do moms really wear with Kyla Flax
The mom of 2 and head of brand and creative styling at Anthropologie on making big changes, work as a creative release, and how it could make you love your kids more
What do moms really wear is a series that captures to process of getting dressed for mothers with young kids. To revisit the last edition with Courtney Grow, click here.
Up today: Kyla Flax, one key reason Anthropology looks so damn good these days, who lives in Philly with her two kids and husband.
The morning routine, 4:30 a.m.
This is going to sound early but on a regular day, I wake up around 4:30 a.m. I really love to be able to work out and have some time for myself, so I will usually do a workout during this hour alone. I go downstairs, drink a bunch of water, have all my vitamins: Seed Probiotics (digestive gut health is so important, esp when you travel a lot), Athletic Greens (another serving of veggies can only be good right?), vitamin C, oil of oregano, and magnesium (helps with stress), workout and then I make breakfast.
I go all out, it’s psychotic and unnecessary and totally adds to my daily stress but I love it. This is what I’m doing from 6 to 7 a.m.
My kids will have a smoothie or oatmeal and I’ll make some wild egg bowl. It usually consists of eggs, a green (whatever I have on hand), turkey bacon, onion and garlic, sometimes sweet potato.
At around 7 a.m., I get the kids. My daughter is 2-years-old and wants to put on everything herself, whereas my son, who is 4, is pretty straightforward and wears a Minnesota Timberwolves jersey everyday. We live really close to the school, so my husband and I will usually drop them off together around 8/8:15 a.m.
I’m in the office most days that I’m here in Philly (my job requires a ton of travel), so after drop off, I’ll drive down to the Navy Yards where the office is.
I’m the head of brand and creative styling at Anthropologie. Which is why I live in Philly — we moved for the job. I oversee e-comm and creative styling, with the creative director and creative styling (catalogues/marketing) teams reporting to me.
I’ve worked at Shopbop, Net-a-Porter and Intermix too; at Intermix, I was the head of styling and the job was kind of similar. One big difference is that it was always such a puzzle over there to figure out how to connect different items and stay aligned with the sales goals while telling a story with the product but here (at Anthro), I have such a good relationship with the buying team and often, on a creative whim, we’ll realize we want to create a new product or find a market partner that has the thing we’re yearning for (like pedal pushers, for example,) and we can pretty quickly pull it together.
I was in New York for ten years before coming here but you know what? This job has so much travel, so I’m in New York really often and I think because of that, I never feel under or overstimulated or under or over inspired. My proximity creates an ideal balance.
The getting dressed process goes like this: I’ll look at the weather and then pick one thing. On this day for example, it was a little cold, so I said “Oh good, I’ll wear my barn jacket,” and then it all comes together from there.
This is how I am with styling too — we get all the pieces we want to use approved before a given shoot but once we land on set, there is always a puzzle reconfiguration that takes place. The outfits just come more alive when you do them day-of as opposed to preplan. It’s part adrenaline rush and part a constant desire to keep creating. If you let an outfit sit with me for too long, I will inevitably keep trying to make it better.
It doesn’t take me much time to get dressed in the morning — as much as I love fashion, I don’t give it a whole lot of brain space. I think it’s something innate for some people and that makes it haphazard and chaotic but in such a good way.
What’s the objective I’m trying to meet when I get dressed for the week? Well getting dressed in the morning is definitely more than drop off for me. I realize that drop-off dressing is a thing — the leisure looks and all. But I’m really not thinking about it in terms of taking my kids to school. It’s all about what I’m wearing to work.
You definitely notice there is a difference between how the moms who work look and those who don’t, but it’s all good. I’m at a place where I’m not trying to win the designer race, I’m okay with not trying to impress anyone. I’d rather get dressed for myself which means staying comfortable and making sure I have on one thing that makes me happy, usually that’s a pair of shoes that feel unexpected.
The afternoon unwind, 5:30 p.m.
My husband, Josh, is a photographer and stays home when he’s not on set so often he’ll pick them up at the end of the day, which is around 5:30 p.m. because they do aftercare. If he can’t, I’ll pick them up with the car and then we get home and it’s game time — complete chaos.
Josh is so hands on, which is amazing so he’s always like, “Ok, what’s the plan?” One person will make the meal, the other will do baths and then we always make sure to do 20-minutes of story time and hang out together, then bed.
7:30 p.m. is absolute lights out, mom and dad time starts and that’s when we connect. It’s like the first time we see each other all day even though we’ve just been together two hours. I keep wondering when this will change, when do you catch a breath? From 5 to 7 is absolute madness.
But then I also realize that I need to take a second because even in the chaos, my kids haven’t seen me all day and I haven’t seen them. It’s so important for all of us to take a second. I always remind myself that I just have to fill up their cup for like, 5 minutes. Just give them that length of time of undivided attention. It fills my cup too. The speed just gets a little slower. I’m paying better attention.
[Dinner feels seminal because] a good meal is my love language. I love the idea that my family could always connect over a meal. I want them always to feel comforted and safe at the table.
The grown-up wind-down, 7:30 p.m.
I am so go-go-go all the time and my mind is constantly scheduling and planning so one of my faults is that I genuinely don’t stop — so I do this thing now where I have an alarm in my phone that goes off at 8 p.m. that just says “Hi” and its a physical reminder to literally turn to my side and say hi to my husband and ask about his day and check on him.
Sometimes it’s really as quick as “Hi,” and sometimes it’s the rest of the night. We’ll be doing dishes or packing lunches together and the time just goes with us talking. Sometimes it’ll end with our watching something together on the couch.
He’s new to photography and loves the world he’s being introduced to and so loves using that time together to bounce off creative ideas.
Before photography, he was doing user and site experience, which was fine but he realized that he wanted to do something more for him.
When I met him, he was a long jumper so he has had a lot of lessons as far as connecting with what makes you happy. He was so focused on one goal, one career path that he didn’t have time to fuel any side dreams. When he stopped jumping, he took his time to discover what his new dreams were.
I feel so grateful that I’ve never not loved my job and the people I surround myself with, which he didn’t have with site experience. A lot of people end up doing a job because it makes them money but not everyone is fortunate to do something that actually brings them satisfaction.
Career trajectory
I went to school in Wisconsin (Madison) and started my career there, working at Bop (the store Shopbop was based on) and after I graduated, they asked if I wanted to keep working with them, so I started working in the studio, which eventually took me to New York. I was working with the editorial team by the time they moved the company to New York and then when Net-a-Porter moved their offices from Long Island City to New Jersey, I jumped on the opportunity to apply. At Net, I started as a junior styling editor on e-commerce and ultimately became a styling editor. I cut my teeth for sure. That was a lot of great experience.
It pays off to work hard and be kind, it really is that simple. [When I got to New York,] I was motivated to keep making myself better, and I was new here so I was super open to meeting people and making friends. If you have the drive and are nice to people, your actions do speak for themselves.
What to wear on the weekend
This outfit started with the pants — they’re lightweight, great for travel or moving around and being in the playground so the look started with them then my eye moved towards the sweatshirt. In my mind I was like, “Oh great color combo, done.” The back strap on the shoes keep my foot in the Birkenstocks and obviously that makes them easier to wear.
Our weekends are definitely centered around the kids. Because I travel so often, weekend time is really for them — to play, to spend time. I really try to take advantage of it.
On Saturdays, we’ll typically go to the Farmer’s Market, see the chickens, play with all the vegetables. And there is lots of going to the playground. Both my kids still nap so my husband and I do get some regroup time in the middle of the day.
Most of the friends we’ve made out here are work or kid-centric. So many of my closest friends are still in New York. Obviously I’ve made some good ones here. There is a family we nanny-share with that we’ve become super close with, and our kids get along really well. They’re our emergency contact. So sometimes we’ll see them on the weekend too.
Style and change
I was laughing recently about how when I started assisting, I used to wear heels. Like full on Giuseppes. I was always in pain, it was totally impractical but I didn’t care. It was for fashion.
I put on a heel for an event about a month ago for the first time in a long time and was like, How did I used to do this?
As far as being a mom, my style has definitely become more practical. I buy things because I either think they are trend forward (a barn jacket is the perfect example because it’s “in” but also makes a ton of practical sense: it’s water resistant, easy to clean and it has so many pockets). I’m definitely not fussing with my clothes anymore. Or buying things that don’t fit.
I would say I think most about shapes when I’m thinking about dressing or styling. Shapes are the unlock — It’s the easiest way to feel updated or put together. Last year for example; I wanted to nail that wide leg jean shape so every outfit I made went to pants of that shape. It makes the process of getting dressed more surefire too.
And I do a lot of shoes. I love a fantasy flat — like Christopher Esber’s crystal shoes.
Generally speaking, too, since I moved to Philly, I don’t overdress anymore. Style here is definitely not the same thing as in New York. That is a city of overdoing it. Which can be so fun sometimes, but it doesn’t translate here.
The top 5 at Anthro rn, according to Kyla
Wayf’s shearling collar bomber, $178
Simon Miller’s studded ballet flats, $395
The ‘Lucia’ sheer cardigan, $78
Deminist’s oversize cable-knit pullover, $395
Clare V.’s denim ‘Ciao’ cap, $60
What to wear on date night
So funny, actually, over the summer, I actually got dressed up for a date night in a silk Doen set, then put on Havaianas and my husband was like, “You dont even care,” and I was like “No! This is a thing.”
This outfit is one I wore for happy hour at the Rodin museum. Date night doesn’t happen that often — I’m probably a once-a-monther in terms of leaving and doing something that’s really for us, which is why the 8 p.m. alarm reminder on my phone is so crucial to feeding the relationship.
But Philly does have a great food scene so there are a lot of restaurant options when we do go out, and there’s a cultural energy, too. We just went to Picnic and the meal was great. If you come to Philly, Irwin’s upstairs has a great view of the city and the food is incredible.
We love the Barnes museum, it’s an intimate setting like you’re visiting a friend’s house who happens to have an insane collection of Picasso and Degas.
It’s far and few between that I’ll go out with girl friends while here but like I said, I’ll prob travel one week out of the month and sometimes I’m lucky and it’s to NY or L.A., so I can tack on some friend time. That’s really when I can feel myself again — like, “Give mama a martini!”
But overall, Philly has been such a tunnel in terms of focusing on work and anchoring my kids. Motherhood is so all-consuming.
Yeah — family time, friend time, work time is all I am. That’s my whole identity.
I definitely don’t get as much friend time, and we’re at the age where everyone has split into their silos a bit more so in the same way I have to remind myself to check in on my husband, I have to remind myself to feed the friendships, which take work. Life is all just a bunch of commitments, and committing shows you what you really care about.
The workout time is the me-just-for-me time. I have tons of other things I would love to take more time for — like combing through Substacks, reading a physical book — wow, that sounds nice — longer walks, going for ice cream with my husband. It’s funny, the things you crave when you’re busy are so simple and child-like.
The outfit in top rotation these days
This is the look I have on repeat because it’s a little wild but understated even with the studded shoes…and leopard pants…and striped shirt. Nice easy silhouettes and the clog shape is so wearable. The actual shapes of the garments are super relatable/familiar. The occasion for something like this is work, or a coffee run. Regular day-to-day life.
Thoughts on being a mom: “Embrace the play”
The best mom advice I’ve ever received? Treasure the little hand grabs and hugs and play-with-me requests. It’s such a special time because we get to be childlike again. I love that my kids are creative and their imaginations are insane. Used cardboard boxes become space ships and escalators and elevators. It feels so important for adults to be able to play again. Maybe that’s my best mom advice. Embrace the play. It can be so hard, but it’s so nourishing.