Letter of Rec #029: 13 good things

Feat. a tiger print coat, yellow sequins, black Chucks, veggie chips and a decorative hood

You know how they say that the needs of a man are simpler than those of a woman? A friend pointed out earlier this week that actually, a woman’s needs are pretty simple too: so many of us yearn for love and connection, it’s as simple as that, and I’ve been thinking about it since she said it and how when we’re cut off from those yearnings — or really, I should speak for myself: when I’m cut off from these yearnings, everything feels a bit bleaker. Like I’m less patient and I feel worn down even though I haven’t done anything to physically warrant the feeling that so much energy’s been expended. I think this is part of what makes the myth of righteous martyrdom such a dangerous lie.

Sometimes it seems like we’re made to believe that selflessness is the Michelin standard, and that what is meant by selflessness is the literal erasure of the self. Like what, only when we expel our own needs do we truly become evolved mothers, friends, sisters, bosses, co-workers, partners, etc? How does it make any logical sense? How can you give, what can you give if you are an empty vessel?

Orienting myself into the basic pursuits and becoming ferocious about protecting them has lifted a fog that is making it pleasant again to see depth in hollow objects, grace and beauty in the most benign sightings — like this woman I was walking behind earlier this week who was wearing a pair of dark blue jeans cuffed at the ankle with a full-length green anorak and a pair of all black Chucks. They (the Chucks) got me tilting my head and thinking that maybe those were the everyday answer to the problem of shoes with the rest of my winter clothes, so leading way to Rec no.1 is: