Letter of Rec #077: The paradox of motherhood starts in the womb

Plus a bag made of chain that goes great with sweatshorts, the shape of layering is starting to change and dolphin clips to hold your hair back

The paradox of motherhood

starts when the baby is still in the womb. I thought about that earlier this week after I dropped my daughters off at their camp bus and remembered last summer how intense and unsolvable it felt for the week between school’s end and summer’s beginning when it was just the 3 of us doing everything together on the fingernail-sized world that exists between a mother and her children with shapeless time. When the I love you, I hate you, I need you, get away from me of it all is on at the highest volume.

People ask me how I am feeling these days, and if I’m ready for the new baby to come (her arrival is imminent). The answer is wrapped in the same unsolvable intensity because the feeling is bittersweet. Right now, for example, I’m sitting at my desk with a cube of ice in my mouth and I can feel her elbow or knee or whatever joint it is pushing up against the top of my left-side ribcage.

It is clear to me that these days are numbered in the single digits, and there’s a wistfulness about it — about the shared experience that will soon be two but for now occupies just this one body. I can’t stop thinking about how literal and poetic and empowering it is that we literally carry our lineages forward.

But that’s metaphysically speaking, you know? I’m also convinced that the final two weeks of pregnancy, which are mostly uncomfortable and sometimes physically painful, exist for the sake of the mother. So that she could start to detach emotionally from harvest season. Because in some moments I am like, “get this baby out of me” but in others, it’s more like, “please don’t leave.” It feels almost exactly like the I love you I hate you I need you get away of it all.

And that floods me with a sense of gratitude.

Gratitude because I’m glad I’ve had these years with my two ahead of the next great rush. There’s a relief about knowing now, from the experience of knowing them, that this — the ongoing contradiction — is the central condition of motherhood. It is an irreconcilable paradox that cannot be solved, should not try to be solved. It just is.

And there’s a real beauty in accepting that. In touching into the heart of authentic surrender and letting it take you over.

Onwards to the clothes

which have been consistently fun to “report” on this summer. A welcome change from last summer’s blah and the doldrum of its sameness. Maybe I have no expectations this year, or maybe new markers of style are landing in a refreshing place or it could just be that I’m poking my nose into relatively different corners. Any which way:

Maryam Nassir Zadeh ‘Olympia’ wedges (lower left corner), La Manso dolphin clips (top left corner; they come in brown and blue too), AF Agger brown cape, Pristine dress, Buttress and Snatch sheer gold dress (it hits different on the Annie’s Ibiza site), Shtor sheer dress, Courreges shorts (top right corner), Charlie Beads sweatshort bloomers (lower right corner)

1. I came across Michelle Phanh’s Substack last weekend. She made a post about what her friends wore at a beach town in Connecticut and I fell for these sweatshorts from a brand she recommended, Charlie Beads. I’d wear them into the fall when the heat beats off with cobalt blue tights, brogues (re this link: congrats if you’re a size 7), and a cropped leather jacket.

   1. Under the wool jacket, I’d style all sorts of different necklines in varying weights of cotton. At some point last week I started to think that it could be cool to wear a long sleeve boat neck like this/this with a square or round neck tank top over and maybe a v-neck cardigan over that, all the clashing necklines exposed, to see what happens. I think a visual is necessary for this to make sense, so bear with me and my tenant — but this is the vibe:

      

      Frances de Lourdes tank top styled over Flore Flore cotton boat neck (a neckline like this would be good too)

      

      Same combo with a striped, lightweight v-neck cardi (think this is the same, just with beads)

      Are we returning to a C&C California/Michael Stars era style period?

2. Maybe, actually, re: the shorts, I’d style them with MNZ’s Olympia or ballet wedge. Since her J. Crew collab launched, my nose has been so deep in the archive of her prowess and I now can’t unsee the possibility of wearing those clear-top wedges all fall long with thick wooly socks. Just need a pair with grips on the bottom — like Comme Si meets Pure Barre (I suppose these aren’t the worst). Have I said this already? It sounds familiar.

   1. Tbh, I think any pvc shoe is interesting for the fall with a pair of socks. My friend Courtney came over in the Saran Wrap sandals with black socks, vintage Levi’s and a french terry half-zip one night last December and it was not even a full 12 hours before I replicated the complete look. Some style cues just collapse the rest of your wardrobe into place for you.

   2. Have you come across a good pair of tabi toe socks, btw? I think flip flops want to come into the next season with us too. These could work — and I blame Liana Satenstein for my gaze’s newfound ability to see the seduction of these.

3. The way to offset the lack of hardware on all the clothes we’re boring-girl-summer wearing (elastic waistbands! t-shirts! crochet head scarves! no buttons) is with a bag made entirely of chain. It becomes the shiny trophy that makes your look less simple, more nasty. In a good way. Like the Phoebe Philo way. Originally, I wanted this one, but this bag was on sale for $530 (+ an extra 15% off) on Net, so I bought it (last one!) and will let you know what happens. The going look to style is with a t-shirt/knee cap leggings/deliberate flats or a simple silk button down and jersey shorts from now until then. My algorithm can hear my thoughts, bc within 24 hours of writing this: three’s a trend!

   

   They’re 1 and 2, I’m 3. This one’s also on sale. And I think this might be an original

   1. I got an e-mail from Croissant post transaction that I now have $147 in buyback credit should I choose to sell the bag back within the next year. This is going to be dangerous, huh.

4. The other thing: sheer clothes aren’t going anywhere but you know what is changing? The best options for what to wear as the underpinnings. Black is the easiest option but lately I’m craving big white cotton underwear and a matching triangle bra. I bought this one from Fleur du Mal and am pretty happy with it. Also like the options from Araks, or for a bust that needs more support: Hanro.

   1. I touched on this last summer in a send but re Araks, the deluge of color in the Beatrice shape (iris blue and lush orange in partic) also makes a solid case for sheer nightgown/dress/tunic undergarment no matter the time of year.

      1. All the good dresses to do this with are distracting me.

   2. If it’s not going to be a sheer dress, it will be something that looks like (or is!) lingerie. Love how this one is styled with colored tights. If I haven’t convinced you they’ll be worth trying, maybe Miu Miu can?

      

      Fall 2024

5. To my point about sheer, you know who else started making clothes is the Ukrainian jewelry brand that makes the silver shell comb. These are the dresses I’m looking at. The bodysuits to wear under aren’t half bad either!

6. From Ukraine too: if you’re still in the market for a pair of silk pants that look and feel like elegant every-day-ers,