What do I wear when I want to look polished, but not stuffy?

A long form explainer

Morning! Are you dressed yet? If you are, what are you wearing? If you’re not, what are you thinking about wearing? Or rather, what are you thinking about thinking about wearing? I’m just kidding, that is dramatic, but so am I, and here we are, at an outfit formula that breaks down the mechanics of getting dressed to look like a paradox. Did you have fun at the open thread last week? I fucking loved it. I’m gonna keep doing them! Does that amuse you? Tell me about it! Tap reply to talk! Subscribe if you haven’t! Use at least 5 exclamation points so we could have filled our daily quota together.

Do you ever have the feeling after you get dressed that you totally just like, fucking nailed it? It’s different from locking into yourself through dress — that usually feels more like something just clicked. You’re on a stationary bike (made from denim) and ready to ride, baby.

But the feeling of having nailed a look is more like, there was a math problem in front of you (big naked body energy) and you figured out an equation to solve it (big covered body energy). 

Madeline’s sticky handprint coming in hot on mirror. (Outfit credits for individual items are tagged in the last photo)

Usually, I solve the equation in phases. On Monday, for instance, I started out in clothes that were more like The Lock-In: a jean jacket with pants of the same wash. I slipped one foot into a caged loafer before thinking to myself, you know what? I want to try something ~DIFFERENT~ today. I’ve worn this outfit hundreds of times, I know it works to the extent that I feel like ~myself~ when I’m in it, but today, right now, I yearn for more. I am a complicated woman with complicated thoughts that wake me up at 3:58 a.m. to summon me towards my computer and dammit, today I must express those layers in…

Layers.

Here we have a base layer ivory turtleneck styled under a knit polo, with a crew neck t-shirt over and then the soft shoulder, unlined jacket which compliments my rigid ass jeans (not to be confused with frigid ass genes!)

So [SAUSAGE MAKING]: First I took off the jean jacket, which left me in a beige turtleneck with a plain black crew neck t-shirt over it. I tried on this soft-ass camel blazer from Mansur Gavriel, but then the combination of jeans — torn at the knees — and blazer was too, I don’t know, obvious? It would have been a perfectly inoffensive pairing on any other day, but today, it said more about me than I was willing to allow. I took the jeans off.

Then I thought: Hey! Maybe I’ll wear a pair without holes. So I re-entered The Closet and found myself pulling at a pair of trouser-style white jeans. Put those on. Decided the beige turtleneck (more like camel) was perhaps too dark a shade of beige for the white jeans, so I put on an ivory turtleneck. Still thin, still ribbed. Then I thought, “Oh, you know what would be good is if I put a polo of the same fabric [some cashmere/cotton blend] over this and then layered the black crew-neck t-shirt over that.”

Very important that when you’re wearing your hands inside of your pockets, you keep at least one pinky exposed at all times.

I tried it, it worked, the layers were thin enough and the pants were big enough to not cock block my desire to tuck them into each other and then I slipped my blazer — soft shoulders (this is key with a pair of rigid trousers; a boxy shoulder would have been too overwhelming) — over the outfit in question.

Length of jacket-to-pants ratio v important too! Easier to fudge, or just like, doesn’t matter as much with skinny pants because they’re basically like fabric legs over your real legs and the jacket is more like a dress, but with trousers or wider leg jeans, you want to make sure your jacket is either lightweight enough to compliment your big pants so as to avoid the “help me i’m drowning in fashion!” effect or cropped enough so that your audience can revel in how gorgeous your ass is.

We’re on to the shoes.

Here is where it gets important to know what kind of big energy you want to disseminate because from shoulder to ankle in this particular look, it would have been very easy to mistake me for someone who has their shit together — the sort of polished dame who finishes one book before starting another, knows what her kids will have for dinner in advance of actually setting out to feed them and who like, doesn’t forget to buy homeopathic allergy medicine when her doctor tells her to. On the inside, one boob is always hanging out of my blouse, my jean shorts have never been washed, I expressly omit buying allergy medication and there is a chocolate stain on my chin that I don’t bother wiping away because I think it adds character to my face.

I love this person. Trying to suppress her is an affront so even though I’m on the right track in the outfit that makes it seem like I read books in succession to one another because that’s partially how I feel like looking today, I’ve got to honor MY INNER TRUTH. The chin on her stain. I mean the stain on her chin (it’s 4:17am now).

Credits in next photo!

Loafers are out of the question. Sneakers have become too second-nature a choice. Some version of a dainty-ass heel could work although my desire when I think this, really, is to balance out the weightiness of the upper layers with some nudity for my feets. Freeballing, shot calling, knees falling, but not. I plan to walk at least 60 blocks today. That is about the temperature too, so what’s a convenient option I could choose that is like a sandal and can accommodate my desire to interrupt the narrative this outfit is writing and express the duality — she made dinner for her kids with her boob hanging out. Two things can be true AT THE VERY SAME TIME.

Wardrobe New York turtleneck (similar here, less expensive than the comp here), Cashmere in Love polo (solid option here), Kule black t-shirt, Louis Vuitton jeans (similar here), K. Jacques sandals (here’s a search term if you’d prefer to thrift them from Etsy), Ragbag studio chain necklace

The fisherman shoes begot the chain necklace and though you can’t see it because I did not photograph it, I affixed a straw bag to my shoulder, tucked my laptop deep inside, and off on my merry way I went. This is often what happens behind the outfits. Does exposing it help you, dare I say, think differently about getting dressed? Think anything at all? Hit me up!