OK: I have 31 minutes before my kids’ nap time is over, do you think I can get to the bottom of how to balance wearing something dressy while also looking super chill?
I don’t mean chill like, “I didn’t try hard.” I mean it more like, “Hello, how are you? I am good, but also bad, happy but also sad, which is totally normal because I am a multi-layered individual with multi-layered feelings that present in different ways, in different places at the very same time. Consider me a container that can handle holding yogurt and granola without letting either believe it is becoming the other! The shades of my personality are plenty and I don’t want to forget it, thus I pursue a display of this awareness to present to the general public.”
You know?
No? Well! I think I just realized why I don’t wear dresses that often. They’re a one-two punch! One-and-done. Two-and-through. Three, however, as in, layers — that is…three and free. The beginning of freedom! To express the shades! But I’m getting ahead of myself.
I bought this dress from Fivestory, a boutique that has been, in very small part converted into a vintage/consignment shop. This particular dress is from the consignment section. I think the new owner of the store (my friend Claire used to own it) is actually also the former owner of this dress. Which is a size 8, and which hit the knee before it became, basically, a top that I wear without pants. It’s by Michael Kors from, I think, a 2016 collection.
I wore it when I was visiting my friend (see: above) last month with the fisherman sandals I keep pushing on you. I’m just kidding, to be clear, I’m not pushing those sandals on you but I have this habit of predicting what the worst possible outcome of a person’s perception of my output could be and I suppose that is one of the more benign thoughts that cross my mind. Will you think I’m trying to force you to buy something when actually, I never want to make it seem like you have to have anything (but your own back!) to feel whole? I just like the shoes! I’m not shilling!
Can you tell I did not often feel “seen” as a child? I feel like no one talks at such great length about nothing burgers if their needs were perfectly “met” in their youths. But then I’m also like, if we’re raising this generation of kids, needs to be met up the wazoo: talking about feelings and being seen and learning how to validate and actualize, are we also raising a generation of kids who won’t figure out how to have their needs met in the spectacularly unconventional ways — through dress, film, fine art, language — that so many of us have? I don’t know if I believe in this question. On balance, we’re doing good. We’re alright. We’re also super fucked up, but regardless, I’m throwing it out! Don’t hold me to further examining it! Or even claiming it as my own!
Ooooh, better question, possibly for the next dispatch: Is having a chip on your shoulder (which I’m defining as a need to prove yourself) necessary to the art of getting really good at whatever it is that you do?
Anyway, the dress. It’s a size 8, which actually, I prefer because I imagine that it’s supposed to fit much closer to the body. As a matter of fact, I am fairly certain that if I’d tried it on in my right size, I would not have been compelled to spend the requested $65 on it.
I made it shorter and cropped the sleeves so as to generate this minor twiggy effect. Then! Last Saturday night (or really, two Saturday nights ago), I was getting dressed for the Passover seder.
At first, I put this (the above) on, which was cute but didn’t match my desired mood. I could have gone either way that night — buoyant and chipper or deep and depressive. I figured buoyant and chipper was a better way to commemorate freedom from slavery in ancient Egypt and so it went, I would wear the dress.
Because it was a holiday, and I wanted to look somewhat formal, I eschewed my instinct to pair the dress with, say, the aforementioned fisherman sandals or a pair of lace-ups or sneakers — something of equal contrast to drive home that initial point about the shades of my personality.
I put on these slingbacks, by Roger Vivier, looked in the mirror and said, “too literal, TOO PRIM” even though they’re like 6 different colors and you can practically see my vagina through the dress. It doesn’t matter. So first, I tried on a jacket. But that didn’t help — the shift of the dress completely lost itself.
Then! I thought about putting a turtleneck under the dress but why would I do that, it was warm enough not to. I contemplated pants underneath, my hair in a ponytail, loafers instead of slingbacks, and then, eureka!, the white beads.
My friend Christene gave me this necklace. She found it at a thrift store and said it reminded her of me, which is perhaps the most thoughtful thing someone can say when they are about to give you something that also reminds you of you. I knew straight away I’d want to wear this fucker with formal things — a collarless tweed jacket, satin shorts, or a lamé boatneck dress.
It’s a little bit longer than it appears in photo. What I do to it often is tie a small knot into the back to turn it into a choker (see figure above). Something about the way a necklace falls over a boat neck just doesn’t hit right for me. I think it’s the semi-circle that the straight neckline and curving strand create. But that’s just me!
So anyway, I tied the knot, put on the necklace, really enjoyed that the white beads caught the patent leather on my shoes, then wore a coat and off on! My merry way! I went.
I felt very feminine, which was nice, relatively unusual, and oh! To this point, the other thing I did, which you might want to pursue should this antidote to looking dull in a dress tickle any such cheek on your fancy, was leave my legs unshaved. I thought that could be a nice reminder of how many different things it can mean when you say you feel feminine. I shared as much with my kids. They looked at me blankly. Whatever that need becomes, consider it unmet.
Yours truly,
Leandra
What do I wear if I want to look dressy but also super chill?