What do moms really wear with Sunny Shokrae
What do moms really wear with Sunny Shokrae
Getting dressed with the photographer who lives in Bedstuy
What do moms really wear is an experimental series captured in collaboration with fashion consultant Chantal Hughes. The series details the process of getting dressed among women with style who are also moms. If you would like to nominate someone for this series, reply to this e-mail with their name and handle.
Up today: Sunny Shokrae, the photographer who lives in Bedstuy with her husband and 5-year-old son, on what she wears to school drop off, kid-friendly weekend hangs, and to spend a solo night with friends.
Drop off, 8:20 a.m.
This is a version of something I wear to drop off my son in the morning — it’s easy and looks nice but I don’t have to think about it. I can’t wear leggings anymore, I did it in my early 20s during what has been termed “indiesleaze” but these days, I like structure.
I went through a phase before where I would only wear suits. After leggings, before child. I’m somewhere between the two now.
I’m a photographer, so this works if I have a shoot scheduled that day and I'm also picking him up. Portrait shoots are much easier to work in on a school day — editorial and ad jobs often require more coordination with Ryan [my partner].
My day typically starts at 7:30 a.m. and ends with pickup, which is at 3:40 p.m.
On a regular day, I’ll wake up, make breakfast (he usually eats a soft boiled egg and berries or an English muffin with cream cheese), and prepare his lunch, and then Ryan will take him to school.
I wave at them from the window, and at that point I'll either get myself and my EQ ready to take off for a shoot, or work from my home office.
I get back to school at 3:20 with his scooter, stand in line for 15 minutes to actually get him then we ride to the subway together.
He usually picks up a bunch of rocks or sticks on the way and we argue about how he can’t keep them. Sometimes I give him a stick of bubble gum on the train.
When we get home, he watches a 25-minute show while I make dinner. 3 nights a week, I do Blue Apron. The two of us eat together on Monday-Wednesday then on Thursday and Friday, Ryan’s home at dinner and we eat as a family. Once a week, I’ll make Persian food, like my mom’s chicken cooked in tomato paste, turmeric and sour grapes served on rice with tahdig.
I was raised on the most delicious home cooking, thanks to my mom. When I moved from Cali to NY to pursue a career in photography, I lost the love that's cooked into homemade meals, and just waited for my visits home to indulge in it again. But it wasn't enough, somewhere down the line I realized I needed to take control. After Leo was born, I knew I wanted to pass these flavors down to him on a more regular basis. I wanted him to have the same mouthwatering meals that I grew up on, so I started cooking Iranian food more often. And I am so lucky in that Ryan, enthusiastically, pursues perfecting certain Iranian dishes like Kuku, Tachin, fresh Barbari bread, which really brings everything full circle.
The weekends are more of a free for all: sometimes Ryan makes something, or we’ll eat out together/at a friends house.
For a weekend hang
I wear this outfit to the playground all the time: these seaslug-google-image-search pants by my friend, Alicia Mersy are a crowdpleaser for children and adults so the pants are extremely fitting for the playground/park. I love these pants, they are a true work of art and very practical, they are cut the same way Dickies are cut! I feel activated in them.
Blue top was a natural pairing: it's long sleeve so it keeps me warm enough in the unknown spring weather, but there's a cooling window above the chest area for some heat relief if it ends up being hotter than expected. And it’s a cut that feels flattering, which is nice.
I don’t want to sink into my phone at the playground so this makes me feel accountable for being present and engaging with the environment. My sunglasses are from Target, they are brandless and remind me of the Smashing Pumpkins playing on the radio when I was in elementary school, which brings me back to myself.
Overall, I feel playful in this outfit, it’s fun and I dress Leo pretty similarly. He wears clothes with a sense of humor too. I’m pretty sure I project myself into the things I buy for him. Or maybe he's allowed me to explore my more playful side of dressing. I find truth in both.
As far as what I hold, I have been liberated from handbags.
If I’m carrying anything these days, it’s a waist pack I’ve had for 18 years (It's hard for me to let go of basics) and it fits my keys/phone/wallet perfectly — snacks and water bottle go in the net bag.
Most Saturdays we go to a friend’s house or to the park or maybe to the beach/Coney/Roosevelt Island. I try to have an adventure planned if we’re not socializing.
The winters are trickier, I feel lucky that a lot of my friends had kids around the same time, so we have a lot of playdates for our kids and ourselves. One thing I learned during Covid about gathering is that one family at a time works best — it’s too stimulating if there are too many kids and adults in the same room at once.
Hmmm, what else have I learned? Well, routine is a delicate balance because it’s essential — we thrive on routine, but not when it suffocates us. There needs to be some room for spontaneity.
The other one: I’m the more social one out of Ryan and me and I’ll have more plans to go out after bedtime, but I can’t exceed one weeknight and one weekend night, and never two nights in a row.
To go out sin kid
When I go out, especially by myself, I want to tap into a feeling that is dormant for the majority of the week. I think we all compartmentalize different parts of ourselves as mothers and shift our identities to best fit the present moment, so in the moment when it's time for me to be with me, I want to fully lean in. These days that means fun, colorful, but also monochromatic, a little dressed up, but still feels casual.
I don't think too much about an outfit until I'm standing in front of my closet. The first piece I pull intuitively leads me to the next piece. So I pulled the shirt first and went from there.
The socks and doc martens are just a practical pairing for living in New York and considering my commute (and not wanting to have to cut my night short because of uncomfortable shoes).
I’ll wear this out to dinner with friends, or to karaoke, or maybe to an art opening/party.
Some of my favorite places to go out include anything that opens at Europa Gallery, Ey Val, LEV pop-ups and Win Son Bakery. In the neighborhood, I go to Warude or Nana Ramen for a nice warm bowl of noodles, Passionfruit for coffee, or Trad Room for Japanese comfort food.
Ryan is usually home by 5:30 if he makes it for dinner, or 7 at the latest and has always been the bath time guy. If he doesn't make it home for dinner, Leo takes a solo bath, because I sure as hell do not get in.
Leo doesn’t usually give me a hard time when I’m going out as long as I give him a heads up — when he knows what to expect he can handle anything. I think it keeps him feeling included.
So on the nights I go out, Ryan will do bed too. He went through a phase of laying with Leo in bed until he fell asleep. It was sweet because he wanted time with his son — it was more for him then for Leo, but it made bedtime really hard for a while. It’s good to let kids understand how to feel safe when they’re alone with themselves.
About once a month, Ryan and I will have a date night. It’s usually to go to an event that we were both invited to — like a birthday or something. We’ll pack in some solo time before the event, get a drink at a bar or something. It’s very efficient: we make the most out of hiring a babysitter for the night.
I guess I don’t feel like we need it more often because when Ryan gets home, we’ll do an hour a day off our phones to catch up.
Do I ever get mom rage? Of course. Usually when I have to repeat myself too many times.
Rage sucks, it makes me feel like a failure right after it’s possessed me. But I also know that how you repair it for yourself and for your kid is what matters. There's an underlying reason why we snap and its almost always connected to something outside of our kids. Stress, a work email to respond to, we’re annoyed at our partners, we’re feeling depleted, etc and we don't have the bandwidth to find the patience that kids deserve.
Identifying that [after the snap] is monumental — and explaining what’s behind the feeling, connecting it back to what’s going on as opposed to him, is helpful for all of us. As told to Leandra Medine Cohen and Chantal Hughes in Bedstuy, Brooklyn on April 20th, 2023.
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