Parenting is so. fucking. hard. It's physically and emotionally draining. And you're up against all these phony representations of how beautiful and funny it is that deny the reality of it and make you feel wrong and isolated and broken. IT'S SO HARD! You love them so much but also you have to close a door and scream your head off. I could only make him know he was loved. That was all. I could not otherwise be good at it. And I needed to go to an office. And that didn't change how fiercely I loved and love him.
❤️ It’s so damn hard. One day at a time. Be kind to yourself (when you can) just like you would to your girls. I like something that Susan David says, “pretend your life is a comedy and not a tragedy”. Easier said than done, but helpful for a reframe.
That quote is a helpful framework. Truth is, though, I have a hard time w the advice to be kind to myself like I am to my girls. I do lose it on them sometimes! And it just makes the self disdain worse. What has been helping: pretending that my conflicts are someone else’s and giving advice from that point. Really helps me to see that everyone goes through some variation of the same thing no matter how different it is ir unique it feels. Thanks for this note ❤️
You know I relate to you being hard on yourself/not being able to let go of one's faults and failures/mistakes at times, or they come back to haunt you later, and I am not even a parent yet. I do have many a friend with children and I think it falls down to the simple fact of that you just want them to be good people and you want to help them get there by also being what they need while still maintaining your own needs and identity. It's a lot. They are new here and are trying to push boundaries as they learn and grow into themselves as well. I know there is more to it, though you are new too. Being a parent is something we do not know until we go through it ourselves. Being alone is not necessarily a bad thing, though being lonely and feeling alone are different. One of the worst feelings is loneliness when you are not physically alone. The life is the prize, there is no competition really for who did it best, we end up in a box in some way or another and life goes on. Not to be morbid, though it's true. Just because you feel your parents lacked in what they didn't provide, I have found focusing on what they did/do, even inadvertently or subconsciously, has helped me move forward in a way I never expected. Also, sometimes them not providing something to you is also a gift, it made you more resilient, creative, and supportive, etc... I feel so cliche lately, though they always say the breakdown leads to the breakthrough and that is another cycle that will keep going. It is growth. We are supposed to be a little weird. I know you know and you make it seem so effortless that you are so comfortable in your own skin when it comes to fashion and life in general. I agree that when we get comfortable in a certain level, the level up, upgrade or even just shift in another direction can be jarring and uncomfortable in a way we are not used to. Not being perfect right away can be a bit of a let down, though being bad, so to speak, at something new is the most normal thing. Enjoy the moment because that is where we are at right now. Even if it is during a moment of losing it. Being able to to lose it in a healthy way after a rough day/moment can be something to be grateful for. After I realized I was beating myself up over a mistake I made, I then beat myself up over not enjoying myself during something I had been looking forward to for weeks because I was upset with myself. Not in a dramatic way, I was just disappointed. Down, I guess you would say. I can usually snap out of it pretty quickly, though it all seems a little heavy lately. I think we are all collectively in that space in some way. You are present and that is the most important thing and that is why you feel a bit nutty. It is nutty. It's real. Thank you. xx
Words like healing balm! Thanks Gigi. One thing I realized this AM about when I get short/lose my patience: when my kids are testing their boundaries and I’m trying to intellectually straddle the conflicting sensations that come up in me: let them test, see what happens when they travel to the depths of their own curiosity (feels in the body like surrender/an unclench “I’m not pushing against them on this one”) and my own need for structure (inner voice of “WHY ARENT YOU LISTENING TO ME?”) - holding this conflict without naming it or realizing what is happening inside your body can be exhausting, esp at like 7am. More and more I think I have to be ruthless about protecting recharge time. Morning meditation, afternoon writing, adult socializing. It’s 🤯 but also 🥰 to feel so alive all the time huh.
I can tell you, just as a human and a pet parent, not even close though still I feel pulled in multiple directions when I wake up and get home (etc...), that I go through the same thing. I find myself lately apologizing to my cat that the sigh or tone was not towards her, like she cares, though I feel the need to clarify. She is also older with some health concerns, so I have to adapt to different routines or behavior. I too, am struggling with just going with my gut, inner voice advice, and then just pure logic. Nothing seems to make sense sometimes when I could do some of this before on autopilot if that makes sense. Though is that really life? Is that really living? Maybe that's what needs to change with me. That's my thing/work. Meditation, adult time, writing, (etc...) is all self care for you and needed whether you are a parent or not. I started working with a singing bowl or just a skin care routine with Gua Sha tools and a jade roller to help keep me grounded. Music helps too. I can only imagine what it is like having two little humans, developing their own little beings, needing something at the same time while you are still acclimating for the day and it just keeps going. That is why you know the routine and little breaks are important to stay sane at times. Not to be cheesy, though you telling me my words are like healing balm is like healing balm to me. Thank you so much. You are doing it, not to be cheesy again, though I have a feeling you are super mom and it still being a fresh experience almost makes you question if you are doing it right, and just questioning that means that you are. 👌😊
your comment on having been able to do this before on autopilot really resonated! i had a moment today. the entrance to my apartmeny is pretty dark -- like there is little natural light, and natural light is SO important to me, especially when its bright out -- being able to see open space from every corner of your owns helps me stay in a feeling of expansion and i had this like, genuine allergic reaction to it and it made me think, "wow, i really used to be able to suppress what i needed or wanted, like just suck it up and go against myself," -- it was a small representation of that, but when i sat down at my computer to get ahead on some work, i thought to myself: you know what? i need a change of scenery, im going to head downtown to the farmers market. i have seen this kind of behavior as flightly and irresponsible in the past, today im thinking its actually the most responsible thing to do myself
Yes! I am the same way with certain things and find myself having the same feeling you describe. I agree completely about the importance of natural light and feel that way about certain noises that has been a recent discovery. That is exactly it, like an allergic reaction. I feel that we are almost trained to suppress it, just keep on going and suck it up. It is disguised as strength though I feel that is a bit of gaslighting to be honest. I too need a change of scenery at times to come back to myself (etc...). We need breaks to stay resilient. There is a local farm here that you can grab a box of curated items, along with a little farm stand and nursery, and it's just a nice break, I find myself craving that moment lately so I relate. Thank you for reminding me. I also resonate with what you said about labeling your feelings, I realize I do this more than I noticed. Always applying it to a past event, experience, etc... We are definitely cut from the same cloth at times. Going to the farmers market sounds blissful in the best way. Most definitely responsible. 💛
The appendages are like medical school/therapy/boot camp/picnics/buddhas/comics…
It’s so unreal isn’t it?
Beautiful & authentic reflections..
One
Foot
In
Front
Of the other
All 8 feet moving along in some sort of harmony family🪬🪬❤️❤️
Parenting is so. fucking. hard. It's physically and emotionally draining. And you're up against all these phony representations of how beautiful and funny it is that deny the reality of it and make you feel wrong and isolated and broken. IT'S SO HARD! You love them so much but also you have to close a door and scream your head off. I could only make him know he was loved. That was all. I could not otherwise be good at it. And I needed to go to an office. And that didn't change how fiercely I loved and love him.
I wish I had met you in my first mommy and me class! Truer words...
Awww same xo
❤️ It’s so damn hard. One day at a time. Be kind to yourself (when you can) just like you would to your girls. I like something that Susan David says, “pretend your life is a comedy and not a tragedy”. Easier said than done, but helpful for a reframe.
That quote is a helpful framework. Truth is, though, I have a hard time w the advice to be kind to myself like I am to my girls. I do lose it on them sometimes! And it just makes the self disdain worse. What has been helping: pretending that my conflicts are someone else’s and giving advice from that point. Really helps me to see that everyone goes through some variation of the same thing no matter how different it is ir unique it feels. Thanks for this note ❤️
❤️
You know I relate to you being hard on yourself/not being able to let go of one's faults and failures/mistakes at times, or they come back to haunt you later, and I am not even a parent yet. I do have many a friend with children and I think it falls down to the simple fact of that you just want them to be good people and you want to help them get there by also being what they need while still maintaining your own needs and identity. It's a lot. They are new here and are trying to push boundaries as they learn and grow into themselves as well. I know there is more to it, though you are new too. Being a parent is something we do not know until we go through it ourselves. Being alone is not necessarily a bad thing, though being lonely and feeling alone are different. One of the worst feelings is loneliness when you are not physically alone. The life is the prize, there is no competition really for who did it best, we end up in a box in some way or another and life goes on. Not to be morbid, though it's true. Just because you feel your parents lacked in what they didn't provide, I have found focusing on what they did/do, even inadvertently or subconsciously, has helped me move forward in a way I never expected. Also, sometimes them not providing something to you is also a gift, it made you more resilient, creative, and supportive, etc... I feel so cliche lately, though they always say the breakdown leads to the breakthrough and that is another cycle that will keep going. It is growth. We are supposed to be a little weird. I know you know and you make it seem so effortless that you are so comfortable in your own skin when it comes to fashion and life in general. I agree that when we get comfortable in a certain level, the level up, upgrade or even just shift in another direction can be jarring and uncomfortable in a way we are not used to. Not being perfect right away can be a bit of a let down, though being bad, so to speak, at something new is the most normal thing. Enjoy the moment because that is where we are at right now. Even if it is during a moment of losing it. Being able to to lose it in a healthy way after a rough day/moment can be something to be grateful for. After I realized I was beating myself up over a mistake I made, I then beat myself up over not enjoying myself during something I had been looking forward to for weeks because I was upset with myself. Not in a dramatic way, I was just disappointed. Down, I guess you would say. I can usually snap out of it pretty quickly, though it all seems a little heavy lately. I think we are all collectively in that space in some way. You are present and that is the most important thing and that is why you feel a bit nutty. It is nutty. It's real. Thank you. xx
Words like healing balm! Thanks Gigi. One thing I realized this AM about when I get short/lose my patience: when my kids are testing their boundaries and I’m trying to intellectually straddle the conflicting sensations that come up in me: let them test, see what happens when they travel to the depths of their own curiosity (feels in the body like surrender/an unclench “I’m not pushing against them on this one”) and my own need for structure (inner voice of “WHY ARENT YOU LISTENING TO ME?”) - holding this conflict without naming it or realizing what is happening inside your body can be exhausting, esp at like 7am. More and more I think I have to be ruthless about protecting recharge time. Morning meditation, afternoon writing, adult socializing. It’s 🤯 but also 🥰 to feel so alive all the time huh.
I can tell you, just as a human and a pet parent, not even close though still I feel pulled in multiple directions when I wake up and get home (etc...), that I go through the same thing. I find myself lately apologizing to my cat that the sigh or tone was not towards her, like she cares, though I feel the need to clarify. She is also older with some health concerns, so I have to adapt to different routines or behavior. I too, am struggling with just going with my gut, inner voice advice, and then just pure logic. Nothing seems to make sense sometimes when I could do some of this before on autopilot if that makes sense. Though is that really life? Is that really living? Maybe that's what needs to change with me. That's my thing/work. Meditation, adult time, writing, (etc...) is all self care for you and needed whether you are a parent or not. I started working with a singing bowl or just a skin care routine with Gua Sha tools and a jade roller to help keep me grounded. Music helps too. I can only imagine what it is like having two little humans, developing their own little beings, needing something at the same time while you are still acclimating for the day and it just keeps going. That is why you know the routine and little breaks are important to stay sane at times. Not to be cheesy, though you telling me my words are like healing balm is like healing balm to me. Thank you so much. You are doing it, not to be cheesy again, though I have a feeling you are super mom and it still being a fresh experience almost makes you question if you are doing it right, and just questioning that means that you are. 👌😊
your comment on having been able to do this before on autopilot really resonated! i had a moment today. the entrance to my apartmeny is pretty dark -- like there is little natural light, and natural light is SO important to me, especially when its bright out -- being able to see open space from every corner of your owns helps me stay in a feeling of expansion and i had this like, genuine allergic reaction to it and it made me think, "wow, i really used to be able to suppress what i needed or wanted, like just suck it up and go against myself," -- it was a small representation of that, but when i sat down at my computer to get ahead on some work, i thought to myself: you know what? i need a change of scenery, im going to head downtown to the farmers market. i have seen this kind of behavior as flightly and irresponsible in the past, today im thinking its actually the most responsible thing to do myself
Yes, oh yes.
Yes! I am the same way with certain things and find myself having the same feeling you describe. I agree completely about the importance of natural light and feel that way about certain noises that has been a recent discovery. That is exactly it, like an allergic reaction. I feel that we are almost trained to suppress it, just keep on going and suck it up. It is disguised as strength though I feel that is a bit of gaslighting to be honest. I too need a change of scenery at times to come back to myself (etc...). We need breaks to stay resilient. There is a local farm here that you can grab a box of curated items, along with a little farm stand and nursery, and it's just a nice break, I find myself craving that moment lately so I relate. Thank you for reminding me. I also resonate with what you said about labeling your feelings, I realize I do this more than I noticed. Always applying it to a past event, experience, etc... We are definitely cut from the same cloth at times. Going to the farmers market sounds blissful in the best way. Most definitely responsible. 💛