I feel this deeply on so many levels. First off, thank you for sharing the complex story of Esther and translating it into an interpretation of feminine and masculine energy among many other situations that women face in a male dominated society, etc. Being exposed to something new that I normally would not be, while given the opportunity to expand my thinking on a whole other level of consciousness is the exact stimulation and information I am looking for these days. Honestly, it was the first time in a long time where reading or hearing about female and masculine energies that did not initiate an immediate internal eye roll or make me want to gag. To better explain, I recently went through a phase where I needed a space to heal, for lack of a better term, and started seeking out and going to women's retreats. In my mind that was where I would find like-minded women with the same goals, most likely because my instinct was to be nurtured and better myself. The ones I chose were only a couple of days, out in Topanga Canyon, since driving to Northern California exhausted me just thinking about and had been burned out on Joshua Tree. Nature is magic and whether it be the desert, forest, or the cliffs of a canyon; the environment alone brings a sense of peace and harmony that leads to balancing the complex chaos we wade through in our daily lives. It ended up being an incredibly toxic experience, though initially I had a great time, with the basis of my frustration through-out the weekend(s) was that Divine Feminine traits are what we need to strive for, and Divine Masculine traits are what to avoid and work against, all to achieve balance which I do not find balanced at all. Divine Timing is another phrase that I do not completely agree with, being gaslit and talked out of feelings of just benign circumstances as running a few minutes late does not feel like anything spiritual or enlightened, though that is another conversation for another time. Here are some qualities of both. Divine Feminine: Intuitive, Heart-centered, Compassionate, Wise, Accepting, Forgiving, Collaborative, Reflective, Creative, Sensual, Kind, and Gentle. Divine Masculine: Risk-taking, Assertiveness, Action-oriented, Discipline, Boundaries, Confidence, Objectivity, and Logical.
Then we start looking at it as gender roles, which are referenced in the previous comments and it makes me think of things that make me feel most feminine, like getting my hair done, and when I am criticized most, when I am standing up for myself, being straight forward, or the minimal times I raise my voice in frustration. I agree with Bentia, I do not feel any of those latter characteristics make me any less feminine though in the standard gender roles, that makes me less than. Whether it be less of a woman or less graceful, whatever it may be, I am seen as less feminine when I am presenting myself that way. I work in a male dominated industry, and I have always had male friends in a non-sexual way. I was always friends with their girlfriends, and they were friends with boyfriends, etc. I took up golf so I could hang with the guys on my team, get clients, or for no better description than not being left out. Now I love golf and just go play or take lessons on my own, I honestly highly recommend it, very meditative. I then look at the other side of things. You mention femininity, not only in this post, but another I read as soft and strong at the same time, and I agree. Though I feel we are conditioned as women to do so, you explain it in the story about Esther. She will literally be murdered if she not only expresses her true religion, but her opinion or just flat out disagreeing with a man in power. If a man has effeminate qualities, he may be subjected to judgement and ridicule by other men though they are often accepted and integrate with women. Not only are they welcomed with open arms, they are also often revered in the creative and arts field that women often dominate. I also think of the make-up industry, which I feel is just another extension of fashion and feminine self-expression, maybe even the most feminine out of all of it since it is a business based solely with a feminine based consumer. Even skincare has subtext to some sort of masculinity in their business model. Then we look at the other side, like it has been mentioned in these comments about the example of the Citadel situation or even the military when women want to be included because they can. It is often a fight, and these women are subjected to abuse and constant discrimination. Even in business, women are often pandered for being married, not being married, having or not having children, all very personal decisions that men are rarely subjected to. These are very generic and some judgmental descriptions, and even though there are exceptions to every situation, I find it very telling. Men do have a lot of pressure on them to be the breadwinner, the so-called tough and stoic one with no emotion, and as a female, if they see me as a threat or better than them in any way, I get treated immediately with disrespect and it is just shrugged off as me taking it personally or they can because they are men and I should just accept it, even though I could be older and with more experience. They just do not care. Though I digress and don't want to sway too far off topic in regard to energies and how it is basically just another way to describe the uneven gender roles in society and unfair expectations we carry as different genders. I find the new wave of non-binary and respecting identifying as other genders so refreshing, since I remember a time when it was not, and am encouraged by the strength and courage and excited to see where that takes us as a society though some recent decisions obviously feel like a huge set back.
I do want to mention Kim Kardashian briefly as I love that you brought her up as an example too. She just walked the most recent Balenciaga show, and I just felt like that it was another metaphorical middle finger to all the people that doubted her in the fashion industry, and it made me proud for how courageous she continues to be in how she keeps moving forward in her truth, no matter what the steps may be. I mean, in relation to her saving incarcerated men's lives, it is miniscule, though for her, I am sure it was right up there with her accomplishments. To still criticize her for being famous for doing nothing when she has done so much since then, is not acknowledging her growth and how dedicated she has been to learn, change, and just move on. I bet walking a runway for a top fashion house was something people told her she would never do. Just like being on the cover of Vogue. I look at her pivot into law as a way to honor her father, or even a way to connect and understand him. Though that is just an assumption. All of that is definitely masculine energy, and for someone that has based her career and business on feminine energy it is impressive, no matter what your feelings about her may be. Thank you for this topic and story, very polarizing. I really enjoyed reading everyone else's take and now want to rewatch GOT. xx Gigi
Also, funny to me to read your reference Timothy Chalamet's character from Dune when I just referenced him on a comment on another thread. Love it.
This story reminded me of Khaleesi from Game of Thrones when she was forced to marry Drogo. Thank you for teaching me a new story and diving into our different energies.
Wonder if this sacred feminine would become the major source of energy and leadership it would turn tables worldwide and we could actually live with longer moments of piece… or not?
Also I love when some titles are questions, you know the science of questions!
I have never liked the idea of identifying human emotions/traits as "masculine" or "feminine". Why do we need to do that? I know that it rarely serves women/non-binary people well.
How do you describe the difference in energy? I would venture to say that non binary ppl are actually physical manifestations of the balance, unconfined by the constructions of man/woman and therefore more open to letting the masc/gem energy coexist.
It's simply different energy. There was an episode of Roseanne where her daughter, Darlene is made to believe that since she enjoys playing sports, she is not enough of a girl so she decides to toss out her baseball mitt and ball. When her mother confronts her with the trashed items, Darlene says that they "are boys things" and she cannot play with them anymore. Her mother tells her "they are girls things as long as a girl is using them" and that's how I feel about characteristics and emotions: they are female if a female experiences them and male if a male experiences them. If gender is a social construct, then so are where out feelings and characteristics fall. I'm a woman, happy to be one but when I'm angry or assertive, I'm still a woman exhibiting as well as feeling those traits. I'm not a parent but I'm no less a woman because I've never nor will I ever birth a child. I'm a woman when I'm crying and when I'm yelling. They are a woman's things because a woman is feeling them and that's how I choose to see them. Masculine/feminine is the who, not the what.
I’m aligned on these sentiments, and think they’re reflected in the piece (and actually I did flesh a lot of thoughts on this in some writing I have not published). the way I use the terms as adjectives masculine/feminine are precisely the descriptions of traits (so the what) as opposed to the who. And in this way, they are not gendered but I can also totally see your point and do agree that it can be confusing or challenging to separate the adjectives from the nouns because of how engrained male/female man/woman are.
Curiosity from the art world: usually this feminine/masculine relationship is represented by horizontal and vertical lines or compositions, which makes interesting to see the work of Piet Mondrian and how revolutionary it was. This makes me think that these two energies or forces will always exist in a certain tension. Even individually.
Mar 21, 2022·edited Mar 21, 2022Liked by Leandra Medine Cohen
Yup, gender expectations are a societal construct, and have caused untold suffering since the beginning of time...but they persist, and we all chafe against those expectations from time to time, which I think is what is at the heart of the article. We all conform to some degree, whether consciously or not, because no one wants to live their life walking uphill. When we find ourselves not conforming to something deeply ingrained, like, perhaps, the expectation that all women should be perfect nurturers, we may question what is "wrong" with us, and why we aren't bringing the "correct" energy to the table. Gender expectations serve no one well, even men, albeit the energies that are male-assigned are those that put men in positions of power over women and anyone else not aligned with male gender expectations.
One quick-ish story, and then I'll shut up: In the amazing book 'Stiffed: The Betrayal of the American Man' by Susan Faludi, the author visited the Citadel Military College of South Carolina in the early '90's when the school was forced to admit a woman into its corps of cadets (the school is publicly funded, and someone finally pressed the issue). Everyone there was up in arms, expressing themselves in every horribly misogynistic way you can already imagine. But why? Ultimately, what it came down to what that these young men didn't want women, nor the rest of the world, seeing them being vulnerable with each other. Cadets cry in front of their classmates, and are comforted by them. There is a special shirt tuck that can only be done with another cadet helping. They kiss each other on the cheek. It was completely untenable to these men (students, faculty, and alumni) that this kind of feminine energy be exposed to a world that expected nothing but masculine energy from them. It would effectively emasculate them, and they fought tooth and nail to preserve their male-only space. How completely and devastatingly messed-up is that!? Men feel they need to be cloistered in order to express "feminine" energy. The world would be a better place if they shared it more frequently with the rest of us, and were rewarded with kindness for doing it.
Oh my God. This is fascinating! And illuminating! Why don’t more people know this !?!? I always always always think about how much suffering (dif from pain) men endure because of the stereotypes (keyword) of the patriarchy — when a guy is sensitive or drawn towards the world of beauty or takes on any archetypical feminine traits, we call him soft or weak. I mean the mere term straight says it all doesn’t it? Gosh there is so much here — for both genders. Like we all could benefit from claiming and accepting and celebrating more of our feminine traits and in fact the world might need ig
The part that I think about a lot is that all of these men were once little boys who were perfect vessels, accepting and giving love to all. Somewhere along the way, something happens to these kids to harden them. Thinking about the moment when that innocence is lost brings me close to tears.
As I am an old, I remember the Citadel case very well. It would interesting if that was the same reason that the military overall resisted allowing women to serve with men, the military usually trots out potential sexual assault as the reason (which does not make them look good) but it could very be that men do not want women seeing them vulnerable. Perhaps if emotions were no longer coded as anything other than what they are: feelings people have, we could avoid the idea that they are weakness being expressed.
Vvv hot take on the 🔥 bush comparison love that
I feel this deeply on so many levels. First off, thank you for sharing the complex story of Esther and translating it into an interpretation of feminine and masculine energy among many other situations that women face in a male dominated society, etc. Being exposed to something new that I normally would not be, while given the opportunity to expand my thinking on a whole other level of consciousness is the exact stimulation and information I am looking for these days. Honestly, it was the first time in a long time where reading or hearing about female and masculine energies that did not initiate an immediate internal eye roll or make me want to gag. To better explain, I recently went through a phase where I needed a space to heal, for lack of a better term, and started seeking out and going to women's retreats. In my mind that was where I would find like-minded women with the same goals, most likely because my instinct was to be nurtured and better myself. The ones I chose were only a couple of days, out in Topanga Canyon, since driving to Northern California exhausted me just thinking about and had been burned out on Joshua Tree. Nature is magic and whether it be the desert, forest, or the cliffs of a canyon; the environment alone brings a sense of peace and harmony that leads to balancing the complex chaos we wade through in our daily lives. It ended up being an incredibly toxic experience, though initially I had a great time, with the basis of my frustration through-out the weekend(s) was that Divine Feminine traits are what we need to strive for, and Divine Masculine traits are what to avoid and work against, all to achieve balance which I do not find balanced at all. Divine Timing is another phrase that I do not completely agree with, being gaslit and talked out of feelings of just benign circumstances as running a few minutes late does not feel like anything spiritual or enlightened, though that is another conversation for another time. Here are some qualities of both. Divine Feminine: Intuitive, Heart-centered, Compassionate, Wise, Accepting, Forgiving, Collaborative, Reflective, Creative, Sensual, Kind, and Gentle. Divine Masculine: Risk-taking, Assertiveness, Action-oriented, Discipline, Boundaries, Confidence, Objectivity, and Logical.
Then we start looking at it as gender roles, which are referenced in the previous comments and it makes me think of things that make me feel most feminine, like getting my hair done, and when I am criticized most, when I am standing up for myself, being straight forward, or the minimal times I raise my voice in frustration. I agree with Bentia, I do not feel any of those latter characteristics make me any less feminine though in the standard gender roles, that makes me less than. Whether it be less of a woman or less graceful, whatever it may be, I am seen as less feminine when I am presenting myself that way. I work in a male dominated industry, and I have always had male friends in a non-sexual way. I was always friends with their girlfriends, and they were friends with boyfriends, etc. I took up golf so I could hang with the guys on my team, get clients, or for no better description than not being left out. Now I love golf and just go play or take lessons on my own, I honestly highly recommend it, very meditative. I then look at the other side of things. You mention femininity, not only in this post, but another I read as soft and strong at the same time, and I agree. Though I feel we are conditioned as women to do so, you explain it in the story about Esther. She will literally be murdered if she not only expresses her true religion, but her opinion or just flat out disagreeing with a man in power. If a man has effeminate qualities, he may be subjected to judgement and ridicule by other men though they are often accepted and integrate with women. Not only are they welcomed with open arms, they are also often revered in the creative and arts field that women often dominate. I also think of the make-up industry, which I feel is just another extension of fashion and feminine self-expression, maybe even the most feminine out of all of it since it is a business based solely with a feminine based consumer. Even skincare has subtext to some sort of masculinity in their business model. Then we look at the other side, like it has been mentioned in these comments about the example of the Citadel situation or even the military when women want to be included because they can. It is often a fight, and these women are subjected to abuse and constant discrimination. Even in business, women are often pandered for being married, not being married, having or not having children, all very personal decisions that men are rarely subjected to. These are very generic and some judgmental descriptions, and even though there are exceptions to every situation, I find it very telling. Men do have a lot of pressure on them to be the breadwinner, the so-called tough and stoic one with no emotion, and as a female, if they see me as a threat or better than them in any way, I get treated immediately with disrespect and it is just shrugged off as me taking it personally or they can because they are men and I should just accept it, even though I could be older and with more experience. They just do not care. Though I digress and don't want to sway too far off topic in regard to energies and how it is basically just another way to describe the uneven gender roles in society and unfair expectations we carry as different genders. I find the new wave of non-binary and respecting identifying as other genders so refreshing, since I remember a time when it was not, and am encouraged by the strength and courage and excited to see where that takes us as a society though some recent decisions obviously feel like a huge set back.
I do want to mention Kim Kardashian briefly as I love that you brought her up as an example too. She just walked the most recent Balenciaga show, and I just felt like that it was another metaphorical middle finger to all the people that doubted her in the fashion industry, and it made me proud for how courageous she continues to be in how she keeps moving forward in her truth, no matter what the steps may be. I mean, in relation to her saving incarcerated men's lives, it is miniscule, though for her, I am sure it was right up there with her accomplishments. To still criticize her for being famous for doing nothing when she has done so much since then, is not acknowledging her growth and how dedicated she has been to learn, change, and just move on. I bet walking a runway for a top fashion house was something people told her she would never do. Just like being on the cover of Vogue. I look at her pivot into law as a way to honor her father, or even a way to connect and understand him. Though that is just an assumption. All of that is definitely masculine energy, and for someone that has based her career and business on feminine energy it is impressive, no matter what your feelings about her may be. Thank you for this topic and story, very polarizing. I really enjoyed reading everyone else's take and now want to rewatch GOT. xx Gigi
Also, funny to me to read your reference Timothy Chalamet's character from Dune when I just referenced him on a comment on another thread. Love it.
How do I get in touch with you? What’s your email?
This story reminded me of Khaleesi from Game of Thrones when she was forced to marry Drogo. Thank you for teaching me a new story and diving into our different energies.
Do I need to watch GoT?
Yes! It’s one of my favorite shows.
Wonder if this sacred feminine would become the major source of energy and leadership it would turn tables worldwide and we could actually live with longer moments of piece… or not?
Also I love when some titles are questions, you know the science of questions!
I have never liked the idea of identifying human emotions/traits as "masculine" or "feminine". Why do we need to do that? I know that it rarely serves women/non-binary people well.
How do you describe the difference in energy? I would venture to say that non binary ppl are actually physical manifestations of the balance, unconfined by the constructions of man/woman and therefore more open to letting the masc/gem energy coexist.
It's simply different energy. There was an episode of Roseanne where her daughter, Darlene is made to believe that since she enjoys playing sports, she is not enough of a girl so she decides to toss out her baseball mitt and ball. When her mother confronts her with the trashed items, Darlene says that they "are boys things" and she cannot play with them anymore. Her mother tells her "they are girls things as long as a girl is using them" and that's how I feel about characteristics and emotions: they are female if a female experiences them and male if a male experiences them. If gender is a social construct, then so are where out feelings and characteristics fall. I'm a woman, happy to be one but when I'm angry or assertive, I'm still a woman exhibiting as well as feeling those traits. I'm not a parent but I'm no less a woman because I've never nor will I ever birth a child. I'm a woman when I'm crying and when I'm yelling. They are a woman's things because a woman is feeling them and that's how I choose to see them. Masculine/feminine is the who, not the what.
I’m aligned on these sentiments, and think they’re reflected in the piece (and actually I did flesh a lot of thoughts on this in some writing I have not published). the way I use the terms as adjectives masculine/feminine are precisely the descriptions of traits (so the what) as opposed to the who. And in this way, they are not gendered but I can also totally see your point and do agree that it can be confusing or challenging to separate the adjectives from the nouns because of how engrained male/female man/woman are.
Curiosity from the art world: usually this feminine/masculine relationship is represented by horizontal and vertical lines or compositions, which makes interesting to see the work of Piet Mondrian and how revolutionary it was. This makes me think that these two energies or forces will always exist in a certain tension. Even individually.
Yup, gender expectations are a societal construct, and have caused untold suffering since the beginning of time...but they persist, and we all chafe against those expectations from time to time, which I think is what is at the heart of the article. We all conform to some degree, whether consciously or not, because no one wants to live their life walking uphill. When we find ourselves not conforming to something deeply ingrained, like, perhaps, the expectation that all women should be perfect nurturers, we may question what is "wrong" with us, and why we aren't bringing the "correct" energy to the table. Gender expectations serve no one well, even men, albeit the energies that are male-assigned are those that put men in positions of power over women and anyone else not aligned with male gender expectations.
One quick-ish story, and then I'll shut up: In the amazing book 'Stiffed: The Betrayal of the American Man' by Susan Faludi, the author visited the Citadel Military College of South Carolina in the early '90's when the school was forced to admit a woman into its corps of cadets (the school is publicly funded, and someone finally pressed the issue). Everyone there was up in arms, expressing themselves in every horribly misogynistic way you can already imagine. But why? Ultimately, what it came down to what that these young men didn't want women, nor the rest of the world, seeing them being vulnerable with each other. Cadets cry in front of their classmates, and are comforted by them. There is a special shirt tuck that can only be done with another cadet helping. They kiss each other on the cheek. It was completely untenable to these men (students, faculty, and alumni) that this kind of feminine energy be exposed to a world that expected nothing but masculine energy from them. It would effectively emasculate them, and they fought tooth and nail to preserve their male-only space. How completely and devastatingly messed-up is that!? Men feel they need to be cloistered in order to express "feminine" energy. The world would be a better place if they shared it more frequently with the rest of us, and were rewarded with kindness for doing it.
Oh my God. This is fascinating! And illuminating! Why don’t more people know this !?!? I always always always think about how much suffering (dif from pain) men endure because of the stereotypes (keyword) of the patriarchy — when a guy is sensitive or drawn towards the world of beauty or takes on any archetypical feminine traits, we call him soft or weak. I mean the mere term straight says it all doesn’t it? Gosh there is so much here — for both genders. Like we all could benefit from claiming and accepting and celebrating more of our feminine traits and in fact the world might need ig
The part that I think about a lot is that all of these men were once little boys who were perfect vessels, accepting and giving love to all. Somewhere along the way, something happens to these kids to harden them. Thinking about the moment when that innocence is lost brings me close to tears.
As I am an old, I remember the Citadel case very well. It would interesting if that was the same reason that the military overall resisted allowing women to serve with men, the military usually trots out potential sexual assault as the reason (which does not make them look good) but it could very be that men do not want women seeing them vulnerable. Perhaps if emotions were no longer coded as anything other than what they are: feelings people have, we could avoid the idea that they are weakness being expressed.