I went to a party a few weeks ago dressed in an outfit that was appropriate for the setting, a friend’s apartment not far from my own for a casual but celebratory dinner for let’s say like, 15 people. There was no tie to fashion at this particular party, unless you consider me some anchor that adds the flair. I mention the tie or lack thereof because this is usually what changes the stakes of what is considered appropriate to wear to such an event — like at a fashion dinner (could mean this literally like a dinner for a brand or more figuratively like with a bunch of stylish friends), most dress code bets are off. Wear whatever you want among those phased by nothing but ordinariness.
This might be my favorite thing you have ever written. It speaks to my soul so deeply I’m almost crying. Thank you for expressing it so beautifully, like only you can.
Oh this post. Came for the outfit, stayed for the feminism, exited with agency thanks to ur insight and recognition. I love the way you do the deep thinking, Leandra, about the shot-reverse shot that is the internal experience of being in the world in clothes. How I feel how I look is first influenced by the mirror/camera and my internal monologue, but is fluid based on moving into new spaces (is there noone there to see me? this can be both deflating and enlivening), and in relation to others in my proximity (do they see me or am I overlook-able?) and in relation to what others in my proximity are wearing themselves and their own behaviour projecting how they feel they look and are perceived. So a 'fit with lots of subtle historical references and gags that was shopped from my wardrobe and psychobiography can start off as insightful (how can something so external be so paradoxically internal?) and then become completely defined by others. Who always seem to be wearing jeans in the post and the comments. This seems significant?
A few years ago I went to a Holiday Party where some people dressed up - wore a skirt or nice pants. Dressed up is a relative term as I live in Salt Lake City which is very casual.
I wore a gold tapestry skirt with a Max Mara turtleneck with a gazillion buttons up the neck and sleeves, black tights, black patent boots and five or six chunky pearl necklaces.
One very drunk woman in jeans came up to me and asked if I was competing with the Christmas tree. Oh how I wish I had the current retort “ What? I am extra? No honey, you are basic.”
I immediately thought of my 20 year old daughter who is studying in NYC at Parsons and as you can imagine she likes to get dressed. When she comes home to New Orleans she doesn't know how to dress because she thinks her high school friends won't understand. I sent her your perspective, hoping it helps her understand to just get dressed no matter your zip code :)
I loved this article so much! I’ve been stepping out of my comfort zone more and more lately with the way I dress and it’s getting easier. The first time I wear a loud outfit, I feel so self conscious. But then it starts to feel like a uniform after a few more wears.
This is beautiful. I love how you describe the ripped jeans and sweaters with the chunk soled boots with almost a disdain, and your lovely friend in the red dress as being so beautiful and regal when she was just being herself and not caring what other people thought, as long as she was comfortable in what she was wearing. Your envy was not about the dress but about the confidence she had/has and to just be herself, no matter what the outfit or dress code. We are only here for a short time, so it is important for it to the best for you, not what makes others comfortable. Love you writing.
Thank you for this post. I remember when I criticized a friend for wearing earrings that overpowered her evening outfit. Because we are friends she put me in my place and I apologized and told her that I loved her just as she was and who was I to tell her how to dress her own body? Her mother? Geez sometime I can be a fricking ahole. In the end, she taught me an important thing about personal style: fuck the shoulds.
This piece is so beautiful, and speaks to me in how sometimes you can find your safe space in a combination that works - and other times yo can jump out of your shell and wear creative things just for fun!
I have something that relates to this, and I don’t know if you can help. On depop, - I find I have two categories: clothes that are beautiful, and fully feel like me in the way I wear them, and then clothes that are colourful and fun to style, and I’m not sure if those are me either. I.e the first is my comfort zone that I know works, and the second worries because I feel I’m more attracted to how loud and colourful they are and they fact that I can style them in various ways - and I’m not sure how to see which of these categories are more me.
Can you shar, any ways you’d think would hell to see how each of these can work with me? I.e how can tell which are fun and colourful to wear - and feel like me?
This might be my favorite thing you have ever written. It speaks to my soul so deeply I’m almost crying. Thank you for expressing it so beautifully, like only you can.
Oh this post. Came for the outfit, stayed for the feminism, exited with agency thanks to ur insight and recognition. I love the way you do the deep thinking, Leandra, about the shot-reverse shot that is the internal experience of being in the world in clothes. How I feel how I look is first influenced by the mirror/camera and my internal monologue, but is fluid based on moving into new spaces (is there noone there to see me? this can be both deflating and enlivening), and in relation to others in my proximity (do they see me or am I overlook-able?) and in relation to what others in my proximity are wearing themselves and their own behaviour projecting how they feel they look and are perceived. So a 'fit with lots of subtle historical references and gags that was shopped from my wardrobe and psychobiography can start off as insightful (how can something so external be so paradoxically internal?) and then become completely defined by others. Who always seem to be wearing jeans in the post and the comments. This seems significant?
Love this piece!
🥰
A few years ago I went to a Holiday Party where some people dressed up - wore a skirt or nice pants. Dressed up is a relative term as I live in Salt Lake City which is very casual.
I wore a gold tapestry skirt with a Max Mara turtleneck with a gazillion buttons up the neck and sleeves, black tights, black patent boots and five or six chunky pearl necklaces.
One very drunk woman in jeans came up to me and asked if I was competing with the Christmas tree. Oh how I wish I had the current retort “ What? I am extra? No honey, you are basic.”
I immediately thought of my 20 year old daughter who is studying in NYC at Parsons and as you can imagine she likes to get dressed. When she comes home to New Orleans she doesn't know how to dress because she thinks her high school friends won't understand. I sent her your perspective, hoping it helps her understand to just get dressed no matter your zip code :)
I loved this article so much! I’ve been stepping out of my comfort zone more and more lately with the way I dress and it’s getting easier. The first time I wear a loud outfit, I feel so self conscious. But then it starts to feel like a uniform after a few more wears.
Among your other brilliant lines- this one-"To be a presence and to feel comfortable with it."
If only all of my friends who have beautifully drifted past 50 felt that confidence to dress for their inner joy...
This is beautiful. I love how you describe the ripped jeans and sweaters with the chunk soled boots with almost a disdain, and your lovely friend in the red dress as being so beautiful and regal when she was just being herself and not caring what other people thought, as long as she was comfortable in what she was wearing. Your envy was not about the dress but about the confidence she had/has and to just be herself, no matter what the outfit or dress code. We are only here for a short time, so it is important for it to the best for you, not what makes others comfortable. Love you writing.
Thank you for this post. I remember when I criticized a friend for wearing earrings that overpowered her evening outfit. Because we are friends she put me in my place and I apologized and told her that I loved her just as she was and who was I to tell her how to dress her own body? Her mother? Geez sometime I can be a fricking ahole. In the end, she taught me an important thing about personal style: fuck the shoulds.
Loved this and the soul behind it! It reverberated deep… loved the line ‘honor your own swinging peacock’
Wow! This speaks so clearly to my soul.
This is ALL!
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. #manifesto
This piece is so beautiful, and speaks to me in how sometimes you can find your safe space in a combination that works - and other times yo can jump out of your shell and wear creative things just for fun!
I have something that relates to this, and I don’t know if you can help. On depop, - I find I have two categories: clothes that are beautiful, and fully feel like me in the way I wear them, and then clothes that are colourful and fun to style, and I’m not sure if those are me either. I.e the first is my comfort zone that I know works, and the second worries because I feel I’m more attracted to how loud and colourful they are and they fact that I can style them in various ways - and I’m not sure how to see which of these categories are more me.
Can you shar, any ways you’d think would hell to see how each of these can work with me? I.e how can tell which are fun and colourful to wear - and feel like me?
Thank you so much!
Definitely going for this vibe tomorrow on my bday brunch! Dressed up is +++ 🚀