I used to tell myself that being competitive would make me more prone to being petty because when you lose after you’ve tried really hard, it can seem kind of earth-shattering which I guess is a view that depends on how fragile you are but lately, I have been thinking that maybe some of the most competitive among us are able to sustain the tendency because actually, they don’t care if they lose.
leandra! you know how a scent can take you back to a certain phase or place in your life? one sniff and it’s an instant time machine to the past? this is what your writing evokes for me- a certain sense of familiarity that although it’s there buried somewhere, it isn’t plucked out of my brain waves until you’ve put it into words. is that weird? does it even make sense? idk but i kind of love it
Love this! It IS a zero-sum game !! As a small business owner I try to take as many risks as I can and aim to always 'fail better'... this attitude celebrates both failure and improvement and you can't have one without the other, so it makes sense to me now. I only got this perspective recently , in my post 40s .
I love this not-so-tiny thought. There is nothing more vulnerable than trying your hardest, because if you try your hardest and fail, you have to face real failure, not failure with an excuse. But for me I'm driven by what you talk about - I need to know I tried my hardest in order to live with myself. It's why I did couples counseling before I got a divorce, and every time I grieved that and wondered if it was the right call early on, I could look back and know I did all I could. Same thing in my mothering. I can't determine his fate but I can try as hard and consistently as possible to convey love to my boy and look back and feel good about being a mom.
I look at time and energy as a currency more expensive than money. You can always make more money though you can never get back wasted time and energy. How do I want to spend my time and energy? Shaming myself for not being the best all the time or not as good as another or do I want to focus on what is good and what I can improve. I always have felt there is enough room for all of us to succeed and supporting another's success just permeates your chances to succeed as well. Rejection is just redirection as they say. Fear of failure and competitiveness are natural for the ambitious and motivated, though seeing it as an opportunity for growth and ways to pivot are how I manage any feelings of self-doubt or comparing my chapter 3 to another's chapter 10. Thank you for you for your vulnerability in opening up this conversation and honoring the emotions we feel and need to manage as we navigate this journey.
I have always suffered from ''fear of failure.'' Still do, but I'm finally trying to get past it. I loved this piece. It is all a game, really, as you say, and those simple words have really spoken to me. Thanks.
I am really competitive and usually it is what fosters the best next moves personally and professionally for me and makes me aim at being the best or trying the hardest thing first, just to prove the world and myself that I could do it. I think it’s the reason why I loved to sprint on a few hundred meters when I was younger in PE classes, it let me give the very best of myself on a short distance in order to try to win.
When I was 19 I “lost” for the first time at something that meant a lot to me. At first it really bugged me for weeks and months, but with hindsight (so good to be a grown up lol) I would have never ended where I am without it, a place I wouldn't trade in the world. So my mindset now is: either I succeed at my goal thanks to my competitive mindset, or it means something else is there for me (often better) if I don’t succeed after trying my best at it.
Ps: just after reading this newsletter, I opened LinkedIn and saw Forbes quote of the day from Nelson Mandela which resonated with your small thought “I never lose. I either win or I learn.”
Ok Leandra! You and your words 🙌🏻 But also isn’t this why the biggest winners are also the biggest losers. Like Once you kiss the electricity you’re less afraid to fall. And how to we gear those unable to sustain it to give it their all
Yes!! You are exactly on the nose. When the winners or losers at stake are actually both you, it can be a little harder to understand that it’s just a game, but the rules are the same
leandra! you know how a scent can take you back to a certain phase or place in your life? one sniff and it’s an instant time machine to the past? this is what your writing evokes for me- a certain sense of familiarity that although it’s there buried somewhere, it isn’t plucked out of my brain waves until you’ve put it into words. is that weird? does it even make sense? idk but i kind of love it
Love this! It IS a zero-sum game !! As a small business owner I try to take as many risks as I can and aim to always 'fail better'... this attitude celebrates both failure and improvement and you can't have one without the other, so it makes sense to me now. I only got this perspective recently , in my post 40s .
I love this not-so-tiny thought. There is nothing more vulnerable than trying your hardest, because if you try your hardest and fail, you have to face real failure, not failure with an excuse. But for me I'm driven by what you talk about - I need to know I tried my hardest in order to live with myself. It's why I did couples counseling before I got a divorce, and every time I grieved that and wondered if it was the right call early on, I could look back and know I did all I could. Same thing in my mothering. I can't determine his fate but I can try as hard and consistently as possible to convey love to my boy and look back and feel good about being a mom.
I look at time and energy as a currency more expensive than money. You can always make more money though you can never get back wasted time and energy. How do I want to spend my time and energy? Shaming myself for not being the best all the time or not as good as another or do I want to focus on what is good and what I can improve. I always have felt there is enough room for all of us to succeed and supporting another's success just permeates your chances to succeed as well. Rejection is just redirection as they say. Fear of failure and competitiveness are natural for the ambitious and motivated, though seeing it as an opportunity for growth and ways to pivot are how I manage any feelings of self-doubt or comparing my chapter 3 to another's chapter 10. Thank you for you for your vulnerability in opening up this conversation and honoring the emotions we feel and need to manage as we navigate this journey.
I have always suffered from ''fear of failure.'' Still do, but I'm finally trying to get past it. I loved this piece. It is all a game, really, as you say, and those simple words have really spoken to me. Thanks.
´ Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent` (Marilyn vos Savant) :)
I loved this small thought! ❤️🔥
I am really competitive and usually it is what fosters the best next moves personally and professionally for me and makes me aim at being the best or trying the hardest thing first, just to prove the world and myself that I could do it. I think it’s the reason why I loved to sprint on a few hundred meters when I was younger in PE classes, it let me give the very best of myself on a short distance in order to try to win.
When I was 19 I “lost” for the first time at something that meant a lot to me. At first it really bugged me for weeks and months, but with hindsight (so good to be a grown up lol) I would have never ended where I am without it, a place I wouldn't trade in the world. So my mindset now is: either I succeed at my goal thanks to my competitive mindset, or it means something else is there for me (often better) if I don’t succeed after trying my best at it.
Ps: just after reading this newsletter, I opened LinkedIn and saw Forbes quote of the day from Nelson Mandela which resonated with your small thought “I never lose. I either win or I learn.”
Xx
Mélissa
Ok Leandra! You and your words 🙌🏻 But also isn’t this why the biggest winners are also the biggest losers. Like Once you kiss the electricity you’re less afraid to fall. And how to we gear those unable to sustain it to give it their all
shavua tov new friend!!
👋👋👋
Yes!! You are exactly on the nose. When the winners or losers at stake are actually both you, it can be a little harder to understand that it’s just a game, but the rules are the same