What do moms really wear with Simone Parchment
The English mom-of-two on how to deal
What Do Moms Really Wear is a series that captures the process of getting dressed among moms. If you would like to nominate someone for this series, comment on this e-mail with their name and handle. To see last month’s edition with Nurit Quinters, click here.
Up today: Simone Parchment, the freelance brand consultant who spent ten years at Matches before striking out on her own
Morning and drop-off, 7:00 a.m.:
We wake up around 7/7:30 a.m., and then I go downstairs, make a coffee and drink it. It’s my 20 minutes of uninterrupted time alone and then I’m ready for the kids. My 3-year old, Audrey, is usually the first to end my coffee time when she starts yelling for me to come get her — so I do and then we come back downstairs together.
Seth (my 6-year old) comes down on his own asking for breakfast. He usually has a porridge that I make for him, and then I make Audrey a bowl of yogurt and fruit. And there is always music playing. These days, our morning playlist is usually the Encanto soundtrack. The tunes contain everyone to the kitchen until we go back upstairs around 8 a.m., with Tom [my husband] already ready for work.
Then I get in the shower, while he tends to them.
We’re going through a strong opinion phase and there’s no uniform at [the kids’] school. Audrey loves dresses and princess things. She only wants to wear sparkly pretty dresses and does not like pants.
And then my son loves football, so he wears leggings with shorts over them and long sleeve tops most days.
Audrey will usually come into the bathroom, while I’m in the shower to tell me she wants to change. So I’ll get out and get dressed myself, which I do quickly: I usually try to wear a dress because it’s a one/done solution.
As far as the outfit, I need to be smart (look professional) and when I feel like I’m in my own clothes, I just feel good — more confident. Like me. [This condition has become more pronounced since having children.] Getting dressed feels even more like a part of my identity these days. My style has evolved as I have gotten older. I tend to buy clothes that feel more occassion-less, that can be worn for more than one thing, and can be styled with different items that already exist in my wardrobe.
After I had Seth, when Tom’s paternity leave was about to end but I still had some time at home [before returning to Matches, where I was the strategic partnerships director for ten years], I had this moment of realizing that I was not going to be doing what he was doing — going to work, going to the gym, having an independent life in that way.
My life changed (in a good way) but I wasn’t really thinking in this context — about my life and the next phase. I had new things to learn, different responsibilities. When I was pregnant with both my kids, I didn’t buy any maternity clothes. All the clothes I wore during that time, I still wear now. I consider myself to have a simple, practical style and apply the approach of simplicity and practicality to my dressing. In the early days, I would get dressed in my clothes to take the babies out, and it never felt weird to me that I was dressed — to wear these clothes to push a baby or go to the park. [At that time,] I identified so much with my work and realized that you kind of don’t have hobbies when you are so linked to your career. Clothes helped me through that moment.
We’re always late to get to school, Seth starts at 9 a.m., and we often have to drive because we’re late. We leave around ten to 9. The panic of packing their lunch (which I make in the half an hour that we’re having breakfast earlier) and getting their coats — it’s chaos. The lunches are an anything-in-the-fridge-goes-into-the-box thing. Pita, Gouda cheese or maybe Boursin, olives some days. Maybe hardboiled eggs and some salmon?
Audrey has to be in school at 9:15, so she’s always on time.
From drop-off, I drive to the train station and take it to meet a client. I have been freelancing as a brand and marketing consultant for about a year [since leaving Matches] and my schedule changes by day. I’m mostly out of the house during the week — if I’m not with a client then I go to a co-working space.
Tom or I pick them up at 5:30 p.m. on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays or 3:30 p.m. on Thursdays and Fridays depending on their after school plans. Most nights we eat dinner as a family with Tom or me cooking Monday to Thursday and Friday is always takeaway night.
What to wear on a weekend with kids:
Audrey has a morning drama class on Saturdays so I usually drop her then I go to get coffee. Tom takes Seth to football and we all meet in the park near Audrey’s class afterwards.
Every Saturday, we go to Brockley Market and spend about an hour and a half there. Seth always asks for oysters and a crepe, and I’ll have my favorite butternut squash and noodles from Chubby Dumpling. We are creatures of habit. We often see friends or the kids see their friends there and then afterwards, around 2 p.m., we could be taking them to birthday parties or the boys will go to watch Charlton, and Audrey and I will do puzzles or paint at home or go to a museum.
On weekends, I prefer to wear basic and easy-to-put-together outfits. This saves me time. Loose trousers are a favorite because they are comfortable, good for layering and light.
When I have a bit of time for myself — like while Audrey is in the class, I’ll listen to a podcast while I go to get my coffee. I don't tend to listen to many fashion podcasts but for news, I like Rest is Politics. I don’t know a lot about music so I like to listen to things that help me learn about and discover artists (like tetragrammaton). I like How Long Gone. I've recently started listening to Critics at Large by The New Yorker and am enjoying it.
And I do run. On Mondays and Wednesdays if I don’t have to go straight into London city, that’s what I do after drop-off.
If Tom and I are going out, we’ll usually drop the kids at Tom’s parents and let them have a sleepover, so we get the house to ourselves. This has been happening a bit because of big birthday parties that we have going on. It reminds me of life pre-kids.
Marriage, navigating the confronting nuances of motherhood, life after Matches and learning from freelance
Tom and I have been together 18 years so we have a lot of the same friends. We grew up together and there is something so nice about being able to hang out with your partner and feel nourished by your close girlfriends at the time same time. But you definitely do still have to make an effort with your partner.
One way we do this is by eating dinner together during the week with no phones. After we put Seth and Audrey to bed is usually when we eat. We also watch things together which creates a bond. Right now we’re rewatching Seinfeld.
I’d say we’re pretty similar parents. I think I’m the more strict one. I can see some parts of my mom in how I parent — my mom is loving, but she can be a bit cold. When I’m talking to the kids, I can hear her voice sometimes. But you know, I’m just trying to be a good parent. Trying to listen to them.
When you’re busy with life, everything feels hectic and that spills over into the dynamic with your kids. So you ask yourself, “Why am I so irritated?” I try to remember, whenever I can, that they just want to have time with me.
When I make any kind of mistake — late to get them from school because of work, or I’ve dropped something and I forgot to get milk, I get so hard on myself but do try to show resilience and remember (for my own sake) that mistakes are part of the natural course.
Seth is really into Legos right now and we were doing them the other night and just could not get past this one part of it, so we went away for a bit and when we came back, we got it and that felt so good. Such an important message: it’s okay to go away and then come back and finish.
Do I get mom guilt? Oh yes. But I’m trying to be easy on myself, it’s just a stage in my life and it will pass. I tell myself that if I miss a run, it’s okay and I’ll come back to it, rather than beating myself up. It really makes a difference.
After I left Matches [one year ago, when my daughter was 2], I didn’t quite know what to do with the time and I started to feel really guilty, then I realized that maybe during that time I just needed to rest and watch rubbish TV. That’s usually when the guilt comes in, when I need rest the most and won’t give it to myself.
[Leaving Matches] was hard. I’d been there for 15 years. It was right the time to move on, but I did not consider how I’d feel about not being part of a team. I’d been with a lot of my co-workers for 5/10 years. We were part of a family in a way. I didn’t expect how much I’d miss that.
And yes, the kids were definitely a bit of a factor in my deciding to leave. After Audrey was born, I felt that more care and attention were needed at home and I really couldn’t give either of [my kids] as much as I wanted.
So far, freelancing is going well. I get a bit of imposter syndrome and ask myself, “Can I do this?” But then I remember that I am doing it, so…
I think part of starting to work for yourself is learning to have more confidence in your own knowledge and experience. And also building up good boundaries. The question of how many clients I need so that I can contribute to supporting my family is always followed by how many I need so I can have real balance — a real work/life balance.
Boundaries in general are a big area of learning for me — even with my family, I often have to ask: how much of my energy can I actually give? I can’t do a good job if I myself am not good.
What to wear for a girls night out:
On a typical night out I’ll go for dinner or to a party (either at a pub, or at someone’s home). What I wear when I’m going out with Tom or with my girlfriends doesn’t really vary. I’m dressing for myself. This is true even when I’m dressing to spend time with kids. As a general rule, I’m not precious about my clothes even though I take good care of them. I’m okay with things getting dirty. I respect my clothes and know when to wear certain things vs. not to, but the clothes in my life are definitely meant to be worn. I love them enough to wear them, you know? So I can’t be too precious.
I have this one t-shirt actually, from Balenciaga, that has holes in it by now and I won’t mend it because I sort of like how the holes look and what they represent — it’s like our story together.
I’m an emotional shopper, a bit impulsive, so I shop (and return) a lot. My general rule is: if I buy it and don’t wear it within 2 weeks, it goes back.
My shopping strategy is quite emotional too, and governed mostly by my actually getting dressed. So I’ll be in my closet putting something on and sometimes I get this idea that I want to pair [whatever I have on] with a piece I don’t own and then that usually launches a search. I certainly don’t shop every week, but I am always looking.
I wore this outfit to an anniversary party. I wanted to get a bit dressed up, but still feel like me. These pants are over 6 years old, from Wales Bonner. They’re a firm favorite but I usually wear them very casually. The bandeau makes it a nice going-out look for me and part of what justified the purchase is that I know I would wear it with a polo neck or t-shirt under it. In general, I think my dressing vibe is good basics put together well.
I like to have a wardrobe full of workhorses. I want my clothes to add value to my existing wardrobe.
This outfit is more for when I’m going out from work. I might wear a t-shirt under it with trainers during the day then take off the t-shirt and change my shoes for the dinner or event. Generally, I don’t really think much about the image or persona I’m projecting, getting dressed is really to serve me. I’m not interested in how the expression is externalized.
Which is kind of how I feel about parenting too — what I do [as a mom] is for me and for them.
Do I get rage? I tend to get frustrated and stressed. But the kids have no comprehension of time. What they have taught me is to embrace the present moment and to try not to sweat the grown-up little things (like forgetting groceries). So I try to explain that I’m grumpy and it has nothing to do with them.
I tell my kids all the time that I love them. Being told that you’re loved is something you don’t take for granted. I don’t think I was told it enough when I was growing up. When you’re told you’re loved, even if you don’t believe it or think much of it at the time, when something bad happens, you get a quick whiff of relief remembering, “At least my mom loves me.”
I’d rather say it too much than have it go the other way.
And what’s one piece of advice I’d give to any mother? Your kids just want time with you, and you have to start somewhere, so I would say that something as simple as 5-10 minutes of truly undivided attention on your kids per day can make the biggest difference. It can change everything. As told to Leandra Medine Cohen on November 25th, 2023
I love what Simone says about not being too precious about clothes. I really struggle with this! I think it's because I've always owned a fair amount of vintage so the instinct is to "protect" the pieces. Also love the bandeau top with sweats. Fun and serious! Nice feature.
Loved this one, especially the nuggets of wisdom on boundaries for work and family. ❤️