What do moms really wear with Sophie Green
What do moms really wear with Sophie Green
The mom of 2 on how to be a person
What Do Moms Really Wear is a series that captures the process of getting dressed among moms with young kids. To read last month’s edition with Sarah Corbett-Winder, click here.
Up today: Sophie Green, the art therapist and yoga teacher who lives in Boerum Hill.
Morning routine and drop-off, 6:15am:
My husband usually lets me sleep until 6:45/7 and he does the first half an hour with the kids, which is when they get ready. They’re dressing themselves now, and my daughter, Annabel, who is 3, rotates between 3 tutus so that keeps things streamlined in the early morning.
I get downstairs around 7/7:15, help them finish their breakfast and get lunches and snacks together for school. Breakfast is usually a rotation between oatmeal, eggs, smoothies and banana pancakes.
As far as packing lunch — I put a lot of effort into feeding them nutritiously, so putting together a rainbow bento box which most of the time doesn’t get eaten is still a proud mom moment for me. My kids are big pasta eaters, so I give them Goodles a lot or lentil pasta with pesto, raw veggies and fruit. I try to get in the healthy stuff when I can because the rest of the time it’s just a constant barrage of “Can I have a snack??”
The snacks! They’re never ending. It’s insane!
We usually play French cafe music in the morning while they’re eating their breakfast, unless someone is in a mood, in which case, we play dance party music to shift the vibe. I think one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in motherhood is that a dance party always helps. The kids definitely fight over which song to play but we jump on the couch, laugh a lot, shake our booties and try to get our crazies out. It’s a really nice time to be silly and feel connected before we all part ways.
Beau leaves for school at 8:15, his school is in Carroll Gardens and Matt [my husband] drives to Bushwick for work, so often times he’ll drop him off and then get coffee with two other dads from school, and then Annabel’s in school across the street [from where we live]— she either starts at 8:30 or 9:30 depending on the day and I do her drop off then start my day.
This is usually what I wear to drop off. I tend to dress very casual in the mornings so that I can run to a workout class after drop off, or into the city to teach a yoga class. It’s usually sweatpants or leggings but the sweatpants feel more forgiving.
I don’t put a ton of thought into it beyond the consideration of it being comfort and manageable to workout in, teach in or go for a walk in. I often throw one of Matt’s jackets on over all the layers and head out. I usually spend the first half of the day in this and then change after my workout class/yoga class into something more put together, which changes my mood and puts me more into “mom” mode.
Dressing for work
Comfort is means a lot to me. I feel my best in jeans and a shirt that can be put on easily. I wear this outfit often and definitely feel a lot better when I take a moment to put myself together as opposed to staying in leggings, which really does affect my mood.
The way I think of this look is like, it’s an easy two-item outfit that’s dark so it can get dirty and I can still rewear it and I feel put together enough that I can do everything I need to do in a the day and then go out to dinner if that’s [what my plans are].
It’s just classic, you know? I’m not good with trends. This outfit is [a version of] something I feel like I have been wearing for years. The jeans and button down are pretty standard, but if I feel like trying something different, I’ll add a t-shirt underneath and wear the shirt open. Or I’ll wear scarf and hat and play around with different coats. Overall, winter is tough — my motivation to create unique outfits definitely dwindles, so playing with accessories without having to actually change the outfit is what I go with. Classic and simple doesn’t get boring to me. I feel the worst when I stray from what I know. That is usually when I just end up feeling uncomfortable in my own outfit.
What do you do in a day?, getting back into the flow of making art
I have my art therapy clients on zoom and teach yoga classes most mornings and early afternoons. A few days a week, I try to get in an exercise class before I teach. The exercise classes are pretty critical to my mental state — I feel such a shift once I’ve moved my body and have had that time for myself.
One of the highlights of my week is a low impact dance cardio class I do with this incredible teacher, Emily. I walk out of there feeling like a completely different person. And then I always find myself back in a grocery store buying more food for the family. I’m constantly supplementing the big grocery shop buy from the beginning of the week with stops at the fish store, butcher shop or cheese shop.
I make all the food so I’m often cooking and then in the afternoons, I pick one of my kids up, sometimes take them to the park, then get the other one, take them to an after-school.
If I have coverage, sometimes I will go into the city and teach private yoga lessons.
Next year, when Annabel really starts school, I can take on more clients for yoga and art therapy, but my real goal is to get back into art making. I used to make a lot of art and I haven’t in 6 years. For a while, I really lost it, then that just became an excuse to continue not making it. I have this idea that I need no distractions. I want to get dirty in this sacred space where time doesn’t exist and I can just do my thing without distractions, without a tight time frame. That’s difficult to find with young kids, but I know I will have that time again.
I am really trying to be present in this season of my life with young kids. They demand a lot of me, but I know that will shift in soon. They’ll need me in other ways, but probably won’t want to physically be with me all the time.
Even when you do get a bit of your time back, so much of parenting is just waiting around. And it’s not enough time to do big things, so I think that inclines us to check social media more. What’s easier than scrolling through an app while you’re idling? It starts so early too — those postpartum days when no one’s around can be so isolating and you think you’re going to find connection online but it’s the opposite.
I’ve actually been feeling so overwhelmed by how quick time is moving. I gave birth to Annabel at the very beginning of covid, and now she is turning 4. How did that happen? I have really been trying to make an effort to hide my phone when I’m with them. I realize how much [not having it] can help slow down time.
[But as far as making the art,] a few weeks ago, I actually did this painting workshop and it did help me tap back into the part of my brain that knows what to do. It felt good to, for the moment, find myself in that “flow state.”
I was so focused.
Getting back into the process of something is half the battle.
In two days, I got through just the first layer of this one painting and it felt so incredible to be immersed in a project of my own. To just be in the process itself. Especially as a parent, I feel like I’m constantly being pulled in so many different directions, multitasking all the time. I miss the mono-tasking of just painting. It was such a nice change to feel that slowing down. I could physically feel [rusty] parts of my brain activating. It’s like I was just more awake and aware, noticing my surroundings in brighter color. More alive.
Doing art with my kids is my favorite pastime. They’re not so worried about the product, they’re all in on the process of it. I’ll tape big watercolor sheets to our floor, put on music and we’ll paint together. We get in a bit of a flow state together and we all end up better for it.
The evening routine
We’re usually home from the day by 5:30 p.m., I cook dinner for them, they eat, the kids bathe at 6:45 p.m. and Matt gets home around 7 p.m.
He’ll usually cook dinner for us and we’ll hang with the kids until about 7:30 p.m. when my daughter is zonked. So we put her to bed, read (her current favorite book is Today) and she falls asleep pretty quickly.
My son is like an energizer bunny, he can stay up pretty late and loves building stuff, so before bed he’s usually playing with magnatiles. Once we get him into bed (around 8:45 p.m.), he asks questions for like 45 minutes, then we read two books.
Right now, he is really into a series called Bad Guys.
At around 9 p.m., Matt and I put our phones in our chargers and get into bed. We usually read or watch something and then are asleep by 10 p.m.
Matt has a strict “no phones in bed” policy so we are good about putting them away and having some time to connect, but we’re both exhausted during the week and connecting usually consists of watching a short show together or spending 5 minutes filling each other in on our days.
Before we had kids, I never expected how much effort has to get put into sustaining our relationship with someone you love but it is so easy to deprioritize it. The day is just so full with other things.
Finding any moments to just be together is so good enough. If my in-laws visit on a weekend, we’ll go grocery shopping together and that feels like a luxury. Or even just a solo walk around the neighborhood — having that little bit of time together makes such a difference.
I have to say though that it feels like we’re almost out of the trenches with our kids at their ages — we’re able find more time together to enjoy NY and our friends and feel like parts of our old lives are coming back online.
When you’re in it in those early days and feel so spread thin you feel like you’ll never get it back. But — and consider this a reminder! — slowly, it shifts again.
Weekend hang with the kids
If we don’t have a birthday party or something going on over the weekend, we usually go to the farmer’s market in Fort Greene and run into people there. It’s kind of unbelievable how much of socializing in New York hinges on those chance run-ins.
Then on Sundays, we’ll go to Carrol Park, and this musician, Hop Along Andrew, is often there. Everyone gathers so there’s no real need to make plans. My sister also lives a block away [from me] so our kids are back and forth at each other’s houses a lot on weekends.
I feel like I have a lot of friends, but maybe it’s just my sister? She is like a lifeline for me here [with the rest of our family in Canada].
I continue to keep things casual on the weekends, but I don’t normally teach or make it to any workout classes, so I think a little harder when I’m getting dressed — I need one outfit that will take me through the day without needing to change.
Taking a minute to pull myself together really does make me feel like I kind of have my shit together as a mom even when I don’t. My converse are a pretty big staple, and the red pants are stretchy and comfortable, but look nicer than leggings. Annabel always looks at me with wide eyes when I put them on, so I love it.
Most of the time, we are out for the whole day on weekends so I try to find a look that will bring me through the whole gamut of activities including a possible dinner out.
Sometimes, we’ll go into the city — maybe visit Rock Center to take the kids ice skating, or go to the Natural History Museum, which is like a full day excursion. We definitely still go to parks even through the winter. I’m Canadian, we know how to dress for the winter! There’s no bad weather, just bad dressing.
Matt and I will rarely go out on the weekend — only if it’s special occasion like a friend’s birthday. Usually, we’ll just cook and eat home or go into the city and have an early dinner with kids. We always regret this.
When I do go out…
It’s not usually out-out, I go to dinner, or friends’ houses. And I want to feel elegant, but also comfortable and like myself. I don’t really wear heels but do like to have a bit of skin showing so that I’m not completely covered up. The colors I wear are almost always subdued, especially in the winter.
I dress for myself, but I also dress for the place I’m going out to and for the friends that I’ll be with. Some friends I’m super casual with, others I like to dress up more with. My friend Krissy is very vocal about me wearing too many lose “linen kaftan” type items, so I make sure to wear none of that when I see her. If I’ve had a week where I’ve been home a lot, with the kids with very little motivation to get dressed up, and then I get an opportunity to go out, I’ll really put the effort in to making it feel like it’s special me time. I seek out something fun, flirty, elegant, maybe a little sexy.
In this look, I feel like I’m Going Out. Like I’m ready to be in a dark room with candles and a martini.
It’s good for me to miss bedtime like once a week — for my sanity. Seeing girlfriends is definitely one of the things that keeps my morale high. Sometimes I’ll get into a slump and realize its because I haven’t connected with a friend in a while.
The ideal would be one night out [during the week] with Matt and one night with girlfriends but I usually don’t swing that. The girlfriend nights are great. We talk about ridiculous things — unfinished business and stuff like that. If we’re in Brooklyn, we’ll go to this new wine bar called Anais. I also like St. Julivert and Soffreh.
When I’m going with Matt, I usually meet him in the city at EN or Jac’s on Bond or I love Lodi at Rock Center — it’s so revived over there. I go when I want to feel like I’m really in New York.
When Matt and I go out is the only time of the week where I feel like I’m looking at him and can hear his voice. When he comes home during the week, he has so much to tell me but I’m only like a-third listening. I can’t multitask with the kids around.
Matt owns restaurants and nightclubs/bars and bakeries around the city. I love hearing about his work, it reminds me that I’m a real person, you know? Because it’s so different from my world where I spend a lot of time at home, on zoom with clients.
His world is a welcome shift from the bubble of me and the kids. He sees so many people in a day, I envy it sometimes! He’ll come home and have so much to talk about and so many serendipitous moments to share that I sometimes feel this resentment bubbling of having just been in front of my computer at home alone, or with the kids.
Sometimes I dream of having a regular job, of having to go to an office, interacting with different people, to not be able to stop everything at the drop of a hat because the kids are sick; leave it all to my husband to deal with it. But then I think, Absolutely not. I am so fortunate to have this flexibility. To have this time with my kids during such a fleeting period of life. I wouldn’t change it. I choose it.
Mom rage, guilt, taking the pressure of parenting
Do I get mom rage? Of course. I never knew how much rage was in here. I never imagined someone could test my limits the way my kids do. It’s definitely one of the most surprising things I’ve learned about myself from becoming a parent.