What do you wear to dinner?

A visual list of ideas

A friend recently asked if I thought she was crazy for wanting to move back to New York because she misses getting dressed. My instinctive reaction was no but not for the obvious reason that I’m big into getting dressed.

To me, her inclination has much more to do with what she is craving — the different dynamic and social connection that emerges in an environment that would compel someone to dress up, or in any different way.

But maybe the craving is even deeper than that: when you want for a different kind of connection, a new way to engage and interact and find stimulation, to become intimate, to know yourself in another way, one among the longest strings of human longing seems to be on the line as it pursues truer alignment.

It’s one of the many ways, I think, the lowest common denominators among us, the seemingly superficial senses like music or cooking or getting dressed that we are attracted to, have the potential to tell us much more about what we want, what we’re thinking, how we’re feeling, or what we’re looking for, and lately, with me, it’s all about how to look a little less dull.

A little less dull but somehow still simple. That’s how it plays out externally.

A desire to add something special to the basic knits and dark, heavy pants — to make more fantastical the numbing of every day in and out looking exactly as it did the one before.

The most effective container, I find, to dress into when you want for more glamour is labeled “what to wear to dinner” because of the notes it asks that you hit: feel like yourself, but a little more flirty. A little more fun. More inspired. Yes, I think the word is inspired.

Going out at night without errands to run or kids to tend to strips it away of the practical limitations that define how you dress for your days. When the call is as simple as wear something that you’d want to be in when you’re connecting with friends or your partner or when you might find yourself on a dancefloor, you’re more prone to reflect an inspired version of yourself.

Below, a brief visual list of thought starters — to get me (and I hope you too) going.

Shoes can make all the difference

Naked Cashmere v-neck sweater, Jamie Haller pants (launching soon!), Magda Butrym sandals and here’s *the* good blue button down

This category is defined by looks that take nothing to put together — classic jeans or pants with straightforward tops that will develop entirely new characteristics as full outfits when you change your shoes.

Take for example this black turtleneck and the high waist black pants I’ve paired it with:

Cashmere in Love black turtleneck, By Malene Birger pants, Alaia platforms (another color here)

Here are a few more pair on TRR (these are not wedged but fun, and these are totally dif, for $40!)

A nothing burger without the add of the wedges, which could be so many other things.

Stand Studio leather jacket, black cotton Splendid turtleneck, Nue Studio knee cap leggings (reg ones work too!), The Row white mules

Here for example is a similar combo: black knee cap leggings and a black turtleneck but in this one, the jacket adds something too. Esp when you think about what it does against the shoes. They are both distinctly something (tough, matronly), but that thing has nothing to do with the other.

There are loads of ways to get your contrast right, but I think the most subtle way to start is to play with texture. So forget about color for a second (like I did above) — opt for neutral colors you trust that don’t feel risky to put together and then merge two completely different vibes. Eventually, you might end up with something more like this:

Knit cap from Etsy, Saks Potts coat (on sale), Kule t-shirt (newly commanding the title of “best tee ever”), By Malene Birger jeans, Converse sneakers (maybe you’ll prefer all black)

Another example:

Weyhe jacket, here’s a good khaki shirt (mine’s By Malene Birger), Sezane white jeans, Roxanne Assoulin gold necklace, Khaite black sandals, these are close (the gold hardware is enough to make them feel like they’re good, but you can do this with actually metallic sandals)

Overwhelmingly simple jacket, extravagant shoes. Here’s the jacket with a skirt:

Same jacket as above (here’s a solid comp), plus THE NEW BEST WHITE T-SHIRT FROM KULE, Veronica de Piante black mini skirt (I am floored by the impact a good black mini skirt can make on an outfit), Prada heels

Now turning the focus back to the combination of sock and shoe, I give you:

Toteme jacket, a kind of similar top here, Daily Blue jeans

You can truly make your entire outfit look like a creative enterprise by focusing only on your shoe/sock pairing.

And here, try these for shoes

For a more casual vibe, esp one when that finds you starved for Spring:

Bode men’s sweatershirt, J. Crew sequined top (I’m wearing it more like a mini skirt than I am a top), Aligne khaki jeans (also similar), Gucci kitten heels (try these)

Here’s what happens when you layer an open hem men’s sweatshirt over a sequined top and style it with rhinestone embellished kitten heels.

Lately I’m enjoying cropped leggings styled over tights more than anything else. So maybe you’re going out straight from yoga:

Kallmeyer jacket, Rohe silk top, Lulu Lemon knee cap leggings, Olympia Le-Tan book clutch, Mana by Ezgi necklace

This is a great excuse to wear a personality jacket because the lower half pinnings are so simple. Imagined one other way, with the shoes carrying a bit more weight:

Bally jacket, Splendid turtleneck, here are some good black shorts, Gucci platforms

A solid white t-neck with plain black shorts, plus shiny blazer and THE PLATFORMS FOR END ALL OTHERS.

Kk next up:

Your clothes (or jewelry) can do the lifting too

In this category, there is more emphasis on the actual outfits you put together, which take more effort and time to get right but can also wake you up out of an uninspired slumber depending on how you’ve been feeling, and whatever it is that you need.

Chava Studio flannel shirt (I maintain the classics from L.L. Bean are good too), Saks Potts skirt — comes in blue now!, Caro Editions fair isle knit, The Row white mules

Here for example is a sequined skirt that is supposed serve as a shot of espresso, styled with a flannel shirt from Chava Studio. I love that the check mark is not trendy — it makes the shirt feel a little off (which is why/how it tones down the skirt) but the material is so rich.

It’s very satisfying when two prints (striped cummerbund/butt ruffle and the plaid) have nothing to do with each other but come together and make sense.

Same Chava shirt, Rosie’s “magic pants” and The Row sandals — they are not especially practical in Feb, but they are easy to walk in

Re: the template we started this section with (with the pink sequined skirt), another way to play around with shapes:

Toteme coat, J. Crew sweater, Nue Studio skirt (not avail yet, but this is!), The Row black moccasins, Lauren Rubinski beaded necklace — you can also try the look like this:

Sweater styled over skirt, with plain black brogues

Or there’s also something like:

Employing a summer dress that has every right to fashion itself into a winter look. Or:

La Collection top, Matteau pants (still available in black!), The Row satin clutch (sometimes you can find them lingering around TRR), Chanel satin flats (same overall concept here/here). Good gold necklaces here and here

This is around the time of year when all the pants, no matter how non-denim they are, feel bland. So I typically rely on skirts for the subtle pick-me-ups but found an instance where spring pants-for-winter got the job done and have to say, a visceral sensation overtakes you when you feel like you actually nail the experience of taking yourself out of your comfort zone to find balance in that wild unknown.

But it bears mentioning that to feel the reward of taking a risk, you don’t necessarily have to nail anything. Taking the risk is often enough. Plus, what nailing a look means to me is going to hold different meaning with you

Margiela cap, Khaite suede shirt and silk tank, Giuliva Heritage pants, Grenson sandals

Which is precisely what personal style is all about. So! What’re you doing for dinner?