I think you just might be right, Leandra. The chunky gauge of the yarn is a great foil to more feminine pieces like the white pleated skirt, or more refined "work" trousers. It's also why i think a fisherman's sweater works off of velvet or with ribbons and lace (ala Simone Rocha), right? Fascinating analysis of a pressing issue of our time!
That oatmeal sweater. 👌 Also pairing with the mini skirt and fisherman shoes are a styling match I did not see coming and now it just makes so much sense.
In regards to female friendships, I find if you are a friend to yourself first, then the right ones come in and the others fall away. Just having a few is I think the healthiest so it sounds like you are doing it right, though the intention of cultivating more is definitely a good thing. Can't wait to read what more you have to say on the topic.
I have mentioned nostalgia before and am working on my own pieces about past friendships where I have found in my 29th and now my 39th last year, the past, especially relationships seem to come back in full force (Saturn Return). Maybe a test, though I think the pandemic had a lot of people thinking back to the good old days and eventually it got me too. though for everything I look at rose colored glasses these days, that time I do not, maybe during I did? 🙃 I will say I never really looked at them as the good old days until recently. Getting back on topic, I have found the friends I was a good friend to came back remembering that, though they were not able to be a good friend to me presently, the way I needed. Even though they tried, and in reflection maybe they never were. Fun yes, good friend, probably not entirely. Don't get me wrong, there were times when they were there for me and supporting me. In my growth and just general life path, I have better boundaries and expectations. I just say this as being a better friend only matters if they are able to reciprocate being a good friend too. 💛
Oh yesssss, I was talking about the friend thing last week w someone and our conversation make it really clear to me that the reason I probably feel unfulfilled by some of my friendships and am yearning for new ones is because my relaitonship to myself has undergone such significant transofmration over the course of the last two years. It's almost like that feeling of, "PUT ME IN COACH!" Like I'm ready to care for you the way you deserve. Really glad I did not explode my marriage (came close intellectually but never in practice) while I was in the depths of yuck.
dying to hear more about the end of your 30s. How do they find you generally? I turned 34 last month and feel very, very settled into myself.
That's exactly it. You have changed and they have not in relation to you. Also, they don't have to, though that is where boundaries come in. I feel like there is so much more for you to share on this. I need more about your "Put me in Coach!" attitude. Was it just a subconscious instinct of did another thing instigate it? So glad your marriage survived too. How hard that must have been to go through. To me that shows what a good and healthy relationship it is, that it was able to whether the storm of your transformation. I also think we like to push boundaries ourselves, to test the limits of what we can get away with. Self sabotaging in a self preserving way if that makes sense. I know you have your own perspective and experience and curious as to what you share.
I felt very settled in my thirties and then a few years before I turned forty, something started rumbling, in where I need to fully step in to some sort of power and receive more, not just give. Events, experiences, and just the way I responded to life changed instantly. Now that I think about it, it is a "Put me in Coach" attitude. I also experienced that when I turned thirty, I immediately went from gypsy to homebody and never looked back. I am here for this ride and see the past as preparation. Also, main character vibes. Like I said, I am being pushed and tested in ways I did not expect and maybe the universe was telling me I was too settled or even to trust my gut even more. We'll see. I keep having encounters with random strangers where they tell me weirdly insightful and unexpected things that are encouraging though I can't help but be skeptical. I am usually able to find a silver lining, positive outlook or lesson, though I think I am just exhausted by it all. Which is it's own adventure. Maybe it is a bit of the comedown of a dopamine hit or one too many of a good thing, still trying to sort and process it. I can't help but ruminate thinking, "Could I have been or handled that better?", that darn perfectionism creeping in. Writing, walking, and reading helps. Maybe I need to also focus on forgiveness as well, not just gratitude. Think I just need to surrender and accept that now is not the time to be comfortable and trust the universe a bit more. One of things that has been randomly said to me is that "your forties will be your best decade" which seemed oddly specific to be a message for just me. I'll add, some guy pulled up in a car next to me on New Year's Day, staring straight at me joyfully spewing a bunch of random nonsense. Like a normal person, I tried to ignore him, though he would not stop and the last part I heard was, "you are going to get the whole pie!" So maybe that's what it is. Your thirties are where you are settled, slipping into authenticity and your cultivated identity from all those lessons and mistakes from your twenties. I fully believe that is what your twenties are for, mistakes, experiences, and lessons. Do it all. That is also where my past friendships I mention generated from, my twenties. Then your forties, it's going to be another ride. I have no idea what the whole pie means, though the possibility of finding out is what life is all about.💛
Yes, there is definitely an element of immaturity about false illusions of genuine friendship. The other thing I'm really noticing is how much wider my aperture seems of late. I think I really walked through years and years of my life thinking I was invisible TO THE EXTENT that nothing I would say/do could actually have an impact on someone else. It sounds crazy given how big my career and platform were in my 20s and I'm not exactly sure how I stayed shielded from this fact for as long as I did but it was a direct result, I think, of your point about self esteem.
Aw, I think we are all in that bubble in some way or another. Though for me, you have such a clear voice and message in whatever you do, your self esteem has to be intact to be able get that across. Self doubt and underestimating ourselves is how we grow. I think that's normal and maybe it is again self preservation to be somewhat oblivious to it. Ignorance is bliss no? You can not be everything to everyone so being free in being yourself while not being aware to how you affect others is a part of life and how we survive in some fashion. No pun intended. ☺️
I like that you mention the illusion of genuine friendship. That is a big one. Friendship is such a gift, it should not be wasted. All a lesson we learn in one way or another. Oftentimes more than once. I get a lot of grief for being a lone wolf, though what people do not see is that I have communication and friendships privately, or maybe they do see it. Me being unbothered can be an irritation for others as well. I also get most, if not all my fulfillment from work so I do not feel like I am dependant on a need for relationships, not that it's a bad thing. Human connection is healthy and maybe I need to work on that. Might be only child sydrome. I feel like I had them and with or without more I am satisfied. Though now I think of Daniela's quote she shared and I can't seem to think about the clearing of the old to enter something new. If I am seen alone it is automatically assumed I am lonely or a b___, and I get told this on almost a daily basis. I too forget the affect I have on others and even though I have accomplished so much on my own, big picture wise, I catch myself surprised at what I can accomplish on my own at times lately, without a man, because of these opinions and I can find myself depleted or even defeated at times because of it. Why does everything seem like a double edged sword these days?
I actually am okay in big crowds too, though I know what you are alluding to. I have been joking lately that all my life skills I have are from being in the Real Estate industry, in some way or another, since my twenties. I have gone to so many classes and conferences, weekly networking meetings, taken public speaking workshops, etc... Being in sales, crowds are networking, so it does not bother me. I am just extremely picky with my time and energy. I am not into the introvert labels either. I have just found a lot of people, honestly men and women, are very angry at people being okay by themselves, getting attention they want without wanting to put in the work, etc... I have a lot more to say on this, though my thoughts aren't fully formed to express my point of view entirely. I have just never seen so many judgemental and upset people, I also have never been randomly yelled at so much, for no reason, it's wild. In my industry and social circles we support each other. I can not even tell you the most wonderful and intimidating people turn out to be the most sweet and supportive. That is definitely why they experience the level of success they do, both personally and professionally. I just come from the mindset that if someone has what you want, learn from them. There is room for us all to suceed.
I just realized I read your statement wrong and thought you said I feel lonely in a crowd though now see you wrote the opposite. I should fully drink my coffee before replying sometimes. 🤦
I'll repeat that you are very insightful! I will check out the book, thank you for the recommendation and kind words. You are also right about Leandra, a post about chunky sweaters and an intention on female friendships is provoking thought. Also turns into me rambling on and on, yet again. Love these convos. 💛
That quote is excellent. I always feel like I have so much to learn, answers to me are neverending, though that quote is still so relevant. I think for me it is more so I was/am focused on an end goal, and I keep getting further and further away from it to the point where I am being redirected outside of my comfort zone to a point I did not expect, that's all. It can be a bit Twilight Zoney.
Yes, I do agree on some level these past friendships are based on some type of immaturity, though I think when you are in your twenties, that is the point. When are you going or be able to be immature again? I do agree on trust being key in all relationships and that comes from healthy self esteem, though I feel like that can be relative and an ever evolving thing. Trust in myself is the biggest obstacle these days, surprising to me at this point, though the universe is intent on a lot of outside distractions to test my faith.
I think the toxicity in friendships can be based on other things as well that are unbalanced, such as power and experience. Now, for these past friends coming back, I am the experienced one, etc... That is not always easy to digest, some have tried and it did not work, just as a vague example. Each friendship is a bit different and fell flat on a reunion for many a reason, maybe it is immaturity on their end? Ah. That being said, I had some pretty special friendships, male and female, we went through a lot together and life is wild and weird, even in the most ordinary ways so it's cathartic for me to write these stories. I am excited to share and working on the first one hopefully to be published soon on Alchemy and Duality. Maybe together or separate, depending on how it ends up working out. The friends ones are being worked on too, they will be scattered in. Thank you for the support and excited to reach level 40 too. 💛
Ah yes, I do agree on some level immaturity exists at every age, though I think it can be relative. Tapping into your inner child and indulging in some things to make you happy is not necessarily immaturity to me, though working on emotional reactions or thoughts that are immature is different. My view on duality is slightly different and based on judgement and opinion in regards to social settings and status. I have been thinking about the old French movie, He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not with Audrey Tatou. I highly recommend to watch it if you do not mind subtitles. It is more on the feminine and masculine duality. A lot of us can have double lives, with work and social etc... I just find it interesting that based on what I drive, wear, speak I can project a completely different image of who I am, without even intending to. I also get spoken to like I am a part of a couple quite a lot lately and I find that interesting as well. My view on Alchemy is transformation so writing this I will definitely separate the two. I love your input and point of view always. Thanks for indulging me. 💛
I see what you are saying, though I think the advice "being bad at something new" is not necessarily immaturity. It's okay not expecting to be good at everything from the beginning. There is this cheesy Rom Com I love and one of the lines is, "you're not a bad writer yet because you have not even started." You're not a bad writer yet, I love it so much. I like to milk the most out of life and if being bad at something new means I can potentially be good at it at some point is what life is all about. Immaturity to me is more about emotion and skill level. I think that might be more of a social and cultural context.
Love your articles! Greetings from Latvia, Leandra I wondering is that possible to ask you some advises or tips? Here we have really cool and cold winter and I don't understand how to style wool thighs with mini skirt like with outwear, maybe you have some ideas for me?
I think you just might be right, Leandra. The chunky gauge of the yarn is a great foil to more feminine pieces like the white pleated skirt, or more refined "work" trousers. It's also why i think a fisherman's sweater works off of velvet or with ribbons and lace (ala Simone Rocha), right? Fascinating analysis of a pressing issue of our time!
That oatmeal sweater. 👌 Also pairing with the mini skirt and fisherman shoes are a styling match I did not see coming and now it just makes so much sense.
In regards to female friendships, I find if you are a friend to yourself first, then the right ones come in and the others fall away. Just having a few is I think the healthiest so it sounds like you are doing it right, though the intention of cultivating more is definitely a good thing. Can't wait to read what more you have to say on the topic.
I have mentioned nostalgia before and am working on my own pieces about past friendships where I have found in my 29th and now my 39th last year, the past, especially relationships seem to come back in full force (Saturn Return). Maybe a test, though I think the pandemic had a lot of people thinking back to the good old days and eventually it got me too. though for everything I look at rose colored glasses these days, that time I do not, maybe during I did? 🙃 I will say I never really looked at them as the good old days until recently. Getting back on topic, I have found the friends I was a good friend to came back remembering that, though they were not able to be a good friend to me presently, the way I needed. Even though they tried, and in reflection maybe they never were. Fun yes, good friend, probably not entirely. Don't get me wrong, there were times when they were there for me and supporting me. In my growth and just general life path, I have better boundaries and expectations. I just say this as being a better friend only matters if they are able to reciprocate being a good friend too. 💛
Oh yesssss, I was talking about the friend thing last week w someone and our conversation make it really clear to me that the reason I probably feel unfulfilled by some of my friendships and am yearning for new ones is because my relaitonship to myself has undergone such significant transofmration over the course of the last two years. It's almost like that feeling of, "PUT ME IN COACH!" Like I'm ready to care for you the way you deserve. Really glad I did not explode my marriage (came close intellectually but never in practice) while I was in the depths of yuck.
dying to hear more about the end of your 30s. How do they find you generally? I turned 34 last month and feel very, very settled into myself.
That's exactly it. You have changed and they have not in relation to you. Also, they don't have to, though that is where boundaries come in. I feel like there is so much more for you to share on this. I need more about your "Put me in Coach!" attitude. Was it just a subconscious instinct of did another thing instigate it? So glad your marriage survived too. How hard that must have been to go through. To me that shows what a good and healthy relationship it is, that it was able to whether the storm of your transformation. I also think we like to push boundaries ourselves, to test the limits of what we can get away with. Self sabotaging in a self preserving way if that makes sense. I know you have your own perspective and experience and curious as to what you share.
I felt very settled in my thirties and then a few years before I turned forty, something started rumbling, in where I need to fully step in to some sort of power and receive more, not just give. Events, experiences, and just the way I responded to life changed instantly. Now that I think about it, it is a "Put me in Coach" attitude. I also experienced that when I turned thirty, I immediately went from gypsy to homebody and never looked back. I am here for this ride and see the past as preparation. Also, main character vibes. Like I said, I am being pushed and tested in ways I did not expect and maybe the universe was telling me I was too settled or even to trust my gut even more. We'll see. I keep having encounters with random strangers where they tell me weirdly insightful and unexpected things that are encouraging though I can't help but be skeptical. I am usually able to find a silver lining, positive outlook or lesson, though I think I am just exhausted by it all. Which is it's own adventure. Maybe it is a bit of the comedown of a dopamine hit or one too many of a good thing, still trying to sort and process it. I can't help but ruminate thinking, "Could I have been or handled that better?", that darn perfectionism creeping in. Writing, walking, and reading helps. Maybe I need to also focus on forgiveness as well, not just gratitude. Think I just need to surrender and accept that now is not the time to be comfortable and trust the universe a bit more. One of things that has been randomly said to me is that "your forties will be your best decade" which seemed oddly specific to be a message for just me. I'll add, some guy pulled up in a car next to me on New Year's Day, staring straight at me joyfully spewing a bunch of random nonsense. Like a normal person, I tried to ignore him, though he would not stop and the last part I heard was, "you are going to get the whole pie!" So maybe that's what it is. Your thirties are where you are settled, slipping into authenticity and your cultivated identity from all those lessons and mistakes from your twenties. I fully believe that is what your twenties are for, mistakes, experiences, and lessons. Do it all. That is also where my past friendships I mention generated from, my twenties. Then your forties, it's going to be another ride. I have no idea what the whole pie means, though the possibility of finding out is what life is all about.💛
Yes, there is definitely an element of immaturity about false illusions of genuine friendship. The other thing I'm really noticing is how much wider my aperture seems of late. I think I really walked through years and years of my life thinking I was invisible TO THE EXTENT that nothing I would say/do could actually have an impact on someone else. It sounds crazy given how big my career and platform were in my 20s and I'm not exactly sure how I stayed shielded from this fact for as long as I did but it was a direct result, I think, of your point about self esteem.
Aw, I think we are all in that bubble in some way or another. Though for me, you have such a clear voice and message in whatever you do, your self esteem has to be intact to be able get that across. Self doubt and underestimating ourselves is how we grow. I think that's normal and maybe it is again self preservation to be somewhat oblivious to it. Ignorance is bliss no? You can not be everything to everyone so being free in being yourself while not being aware to how you affect others is a part of life and how we survive in some fashion. No pun intended. ☺️
I like that you mention the illusion of genuine friendship. That is a big one. Friendship is such a gift, it should not be wasted. All a lesson we learn in one way or another. Oftentimes more than once. I get a lot of grief for being a lone wolf, though what people do not see is that I have communication and friendships privately, or maybe they do see it. Me being unbothered can be an irritation for others as well. I also get most, if not all my fulfillment from work so I do not feel like I am dependant on a need for relationships, not that it's a bad thing. Human connection is healthy and maybe I need to work on that. Might be only child sydrome. I feel like I had them and with or without more I am satisfied. Though now I think of Daniela's quote she shared and I can't seem to think about the clearing of the old to enter something new. If I am seen alone it is automatically assumed I am lonely or a b___, and I get told this on almost a daily basis. I too forget the affect I have on others and even though I have accomplished so much on my own, big picture wise, I catch myself surprised at what I can accomplish on my own at times lately, without a man, because of these opinions and I can find myself depleted or even defeated at times because of it. Why does everything seem like a double edged sword these days?
I actually am okay in big crowds too, though I know what you are alluding to. I have been joking lately that all my life skills I have are from being in the Real Estate industry, in some way or another, since my twenties. I have gone to so many classes and conferences, weekly networking meetings, taken public speaking workshops, etc... Being in sales, crowds are networking, so it does not bother me. I am just extremely picky with my time and energy. I am not into the introvert labels either. I have just found a lot of people, honestly men and women, are very angry at people being okay by themselves, getting attention they want without wanting to put in the work, etc... I have a lot more to say on this, though my thoughts aren't fully formed to express my point of view entirely. I have just never seen so many judgemental and upset people, I also have never been randomly yelled at so much, for no reason, it's wild. In my industry and social circles we support each other. I can not even tell you the most wonderful and intimidating people turn out to be the most sweet and supportive. That is definitely why they experience the level of success they do, both personally and professionally. I just come from the mindset that if someone has what you want, learn from them. There is room for us all to suceed.
I just realized I read your statement wrong and thought you said I feel lonely in a crowd though now see you wrote the opposite. I should fully drink my coffee before replying sometimes. 🤦
I'll repeat that you are very insightful! I will check out the book, thank you for the recommendation and kind words. You are also right about Leandra, a post about chunky sweaters and an intention on female friendships is provoking thought. Also turns into me rambling on and on, yet again. Love these convos. 💛
It is a video game! You get it Daniela. 😉
That quote is excellent. I always feel like I have so much to learn, answers to me are neverending, though that quote is still so relevant. I think for me it is more so I was/am focused on an end goal, and I keep getting further and further away from it to the point where I am being redirected outside of my comfort zone to a point I did not expect, that's all. It can be a bit Twilight Zoney.
Yes, I do agree on some level these past friendships are based on some type of immaturity, though I think when you are in your twenties, that is the point. When are you going or be able to be immature again? I do agree on trust being key in all relationships and that comes from healthy self esteem, though I feel like that can be relative and an ever evolving thing. Trust in myself is the biggest obstacle these days, surprising to me at this point, though the universe is intent on a lot of outside distractions to test my faith.
I think the toxicity in friendships can be based on other things as well that are unbalanced, such as power and experience. Now, for these past friends coming back, I am the experienced one, etc... That is not always easy to digest, some have tried and it did not work, just as a vague example. Each friendship is a bit different and fell flat on a reunion for many a reason, maybe it is immaturity on their end? Ah. That being said, I had some pretty special friendships, male and female, we went through a lot together and life is wild and weird, even in the most ordinary ways so it's cathartic for me to write these stories. I am excited to share and working on the first one hopefully to be published soon on Alchemy and Duality. Maybe together or separate, depending on how it ends up working out. The friends ones are being worked on too, they will be scattered in. Thank you for the support and excited to reach level 40 too. 💛
Ah yes, I do agree on some level immaturity exists at every age, though I think it can be relative. Tapping into your inner child and indulging in some things to make you happy is not necessarily immaturity to me, though working on emotional reactions or thoughts that are immature is different. My view on duality is slightly different and based on judgement and opinion in regards to social settings and status. I have been thinking about the old French movie, He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not with Audrey Tatou. I highly recommend to watch it if you do not mind subtitles. It is more on the feminine and masculine duality. A lot of us can have double lives, with work and social etc... I just find it interesting that based on what I drive, wear, speak I can project a completely different image of who I am, without even intending to. I also get spoken to like I am a part of a couple quite a lot lately and I find that interesting as well. My view on Alchemy is transformation so writing this I will definitely separate the two. I love your input and point of view always. Thanks for indulging me. 💛
Yay! I love subtitles.
I see what you are saying, though I think the advice "being bad at something new" is not necessarily immaturity. It's okay not expecting to be good at everything from the beginning. There is this cheesy Rom Com I love and one of the lines is, "you're not a bad writer yet because you have not even started." You're not a bad writer yet, I love it so much. I like to milk the most out of life and if being bad at something new means I can potentially be good at it at some point is what life is all about. Immaturity to me is more about emotion and skill level. I think that might be more of a social and cultural context.
As ever, Imparfaite Paris (one of my fave vintage forums) has TONS of second hand cable knots
KNITS
Do you have your regular size in the Toteme sweater, or did you size down?
Hi! Toteme sizing is generous. Mine is an XS but would have been fine w an S
Meh don’t do it if you don’t need one. It will have bad joojoo!
Love your articles! Greetings from Latvia, Leandra I wondering is that possible to ask you some advises or tips? Here we have really cool and cold winter and I don't understand how to style wool thighs with mini skirt like with outwear, maybe you have some ideas for me?
Hi! Love the timing of this one — there are lots of short things running in next week’s newsletter. Excited to hear your take!